T'ang'jmizn
by sexylittlevulcan
Summary: Three years have passed since Spock's report from Heth III ended up getting Kirk fired from Starfleet. His life is a mess. Without his ship, his crew, his captaincy, Kirk has nothing. Then one day Uhura turns up with an offer Kirk can't resist. What will happen when he returns to the USS Enterprise to work under the new captain, Spock? Slash - angst - smut - Kirk/Spock
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first ever Star Trek fanfiction so please forgive me if it takes a while to get the characters right, or if it isn't any good!**

**I have no idea yet how many chapters there will be aha**

**I DO NOT OWN STAR TREK OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS unfortunately...**

* * *

Chapter One - An Unexpected Visit

Kirk could see the bar through the bottom of his glass. The honey-coloured liquid had long lost his attention and he was now examining the scratches etched into the wooden surface. It was difficult. He was having trouble seeing straight as it was. With a sigh, Kirk raised the glass to his lips, and downed the rest of what was inside. Was this number three? Kirk raised a hand to the burly barman and pointed to his glass with a nod. Within minutes, that too was gone.

He had never been in this bar before. It was a bit further to walk to, but he had pretty much exhausted the bars nearest to his home. Kirk had decided that as soon as everyone started greeting him and treating him like a 'regular' that was the time to get out. He didn't like this bar so much though. It was called Kevin's Place and it was grotty and dirty. The air was so thick with smoke that it was hard to see and after only his second night of visiting, Kirk had already developed a nasty cough.

He downed his fifth drink and slid off the bar stool to his feet, clutching hold of the man beside him for support as the room spun, and then he made his way to the bathroom where he promptly threw up. So this was a bad night for him. Usually he'd at least make it past his sixth whiskey and onto a few shots before he started to retch. Maybe his body was catching up with him. After all, Kirk couldn't even remember the last time he was sober.

Somehow he found his way back out into the bar and slumped back onto his stool, and without a word the barman poured him a new drink, raising his eyebrows at the state of the man before him, but obviously not bothered enough about his health to want to stop him drinking. And anyway, he was sure he recognised the blond-haired blue-eyed man from _somewhere_.

"Hey mate." He leant across the bar. "Do I err know you?"

Kirk squinted at him, trying to focus on one spot of the barman's face. He wasn't a particularly attractive man. His face was bulbous with tiny watery eyes and thick gingery stubble. "Nope." He slurred, shaking his head and almost toppling himself from the stool.

"Yeah, yeah." The barman pointed at him. "You're that captain, the youngest guy to ever captain a starship. Hey didn't you get fired like four years ago?"

A white hot stab of pain hit Kirk squarely in the chest. "It was three years ago, actually." He remarked, and he pulled out his wallet and threw some notes onto the bar. "Keep the change." And he half-stumbled half-dragged himself out into the street.

The winter air hit him like a bucket of ice cold water. It was the middle of December and Kirk was only wearing his jeans and a grey t-shirt that hung off his wasted form in a most unattractive way. To make things worse the cold air made him heave. Kirk leant heavily against the wall and gagged, but this time nothing came up.

"James Tiberius Kirk." Came a sharp voice from behind him.

The man froze, still half hunched over and clutching at the wall. That voice was familiar. He hadn't heard it in a long time but without even turning and despite his wretched state Kirk knew exactly who it was. Standing several paces behind him with her arms folded and her shoulders hunched as Nyota Uhura.

"L-Lieutenant?" He frowned at her.

She did not look happy to see him. Or at least, wasn't happy to see him in the state he was in. Her face was set like stone and her brown eyes were flashing angrily.

"You have a lot of explaining to do." She snapped.

Kirk rubbed his eyes and straightened up. "What are you doing here Uhura? Shouldn't you be out…" He waved a hand. "...lieutenant-ing?"

Her expression hardened. It was a look she had often given him aboard the- there was that same white hot pang in his stomach and Kirk looked away from her.

"It's great to see you Uhura, but I have to get-"

The woman was suddenly in front of him. "Something's come up Jim." She cut across him, her tone very business-like. "Starfleet needs you back. The Enterprise needs you back."

"Pfft!" Kirk straightened himself and pushed her to one side, starting off down the street, wrapping his arms about himself against the cold.

"It's the ambassador of Xiino IV." Uhura continued, marching purposely after him. "Ambassador Zurek, you remember him and his daughter Avita? Well she'd been kidnapped and Ambassador Zurek wants you to go after her."

Kirk stopped at this, remembering. Xiino IV had been one of the planets that the Enterprise had explored during her five year mission. It was a hot planet, far warmer than Earth and nearer to the harsh heat that Vulcan had once been, and its population were fairly new. The Xiinos were a mere few hundred thousand years old. The Enterprise had stumbled upon them and formed an alliance between then and the federation.

"He does know I'm not captain anymore right?" Kirk asked bitterly. "That I got _fired?_"

Uhura nodded. "Yes. But he doesn't want anyone else finding his daughter. He said he wants the best, and you're the best, and Starfleet owe him a great deal. Those plant samples we got from Xiino IV helped revolutionise medicine Jim!"

Kirk smirked. "At least something good came out of that damn mission."

Uhura raised her eyebrows at him. "Admiral Gordon wants to reinstate you as an ensign-"

"An ensign? Oh come on Uhura!" Kirk snapped.

She held up a hand to stop him. "You have to retake the psych test and the Kobayashi Maru, and get a full medical to deem whether you're fit to be a part of the Enterprise. You'll work under Sulu or myself and-"

"Who's the captain?" Kirk asked, quietly, but it still caused a quick intake of breath from Uhura. "Who is the captain, Lieutenant?"

She rearranged her features so that they were cool, calm. "Spock."

There it was again, that white hot pang in the pit of his stomach that made Kirk was to throw up. He turned away from Uhura, unable to look at her any more, and he actually had to fight the tears that suddenly stung his eyes.

"No." He said, as fiercely as he could manage. "I won't do it Uhura."

"Jim-"

"_I won't do it!"_ He shouted over his shoulder. "I'm sorry Uhura, I just won't. It was nice to see you but, I just want to get home now."

He walked off, shoulders hunched, fists balled, suddenly very much sober and hating every ounce of himself for the way he was treating Uhura. He had put that life behind him. He wasn't a captain anymore. He wasn't part of Starfleet anymore. He was that guy who wondered around bars and drank all day and all night, wasting away. Why hadn't he wasted away yet?

"Scotty and I got married." Uhura shouted after him.

This brought him to a halt, but Kirk still didn't turn around.

"We sent you an invitation." She continued softly. "It was beautiful. Scotty cried." This made her chuckle a little. "He cried like a baby and then passed out in a bathtub."

It took all of Kirk's strength not to cry now. His friends were doing well. That was good.

"I'm sorry I missed it Uhura." Kirk whispered, only just loud enough for her to hear, but then he left.

Kirk didn't stop until he got home, back to the run-down apartment he was only just managing to pay rent for. It was a hell-hole, Kirk wasn't even going to try and sugar coat it. It was comprised of two rooms; one with a bed and a sofa and the kitchen, and the other the bathroom. Everything stunk of sweat and alcohol, and the first thing Kirk did was go to the fridge and pull out a beer. He needed to be drunk again. Things weren't so bad when he was drunk. Well, at least things weren't so coherent when he was drunk and that was better than remembering.

He still took out the report sometimes, when he was feeling particularly low, just to beat himself up even more. It was the report Spock had filed after their five year mission, the one that had gotten Kirk into trouble and fired after a ten day long trial. He sank onto the bed and took a PADD out from under his pillow, tapping the screen until the familiar words filled the screen. Kirk read it all; even Spock's account of Xiino IV and Sawyer, of the Galarians and their run in with Klingons. Then he got to that one part.

'_It was during this mission to Heth III that Captain T Kirk accompanied myself and the away team, against the advice of his Chief Medical Officer; Doctor Leonard McCoy. Captain Kirk deemed himself medically able to continue his duties as captain of the USS Enterprise. It was this decision that drew my logical conclusion that Captain Kirk must relinquish his command to his first offer, myself Commander Spock, until it is Doctor McCoy's decision that he is fit enough to resume his position._

_Once upon the ground of Heth III, where we to gather samples from the plant life and water supplies for analysis, I confronted Captain Kirk and his decision to accompany the away team. It was during this conversation that my attention was momentarily lax and our team was attacked unannounced by an unknown beast._

_I noted Captain Kirk was in danger, and immediately followed my duty to protect him by pushing him out of the beast's way, thus resulting in myself receiving three deep gashes to my upper body. The beast was slain, but it became increasingly obvious that its claws were poisonous. The effect was immediate. My body was considerably weakened._

_Captain Kirk ordered for the away team to be beamed aboard the Enterprise immediately, despite the unknown poison coursing through my body. He failed to __establish containmen__t and transported an unknown, possibly infectious, agent onto a starship via my person, thus __eradicating protocol._

_While I am deeply thankful for Captain Kirk's quick thinking, as well as Doctor McCoy's expert medical treatment, I cannot ignore the fact that he breached protocol. His actions may have infected the whole ship.'_

Kirk threw the PADD at the wall so hard it shattered. Spock had done this before. The damn Vulcan was all logic and sense, and though he was correct to report exactly what happened, he hadn't talked to his captain – his _friend_ – before doing so. Starfleet had considered kirk unable to captain the Enterprise, and after bringing up every wrong thing he had ever done since being captain, he had been fired from Starfleet. He had spent the past three years in a city he didn't care to remember the name of, drinking and sleeping around with anything that bothered to show him affection.

He knew Spock wasn't to blame. Of course he did. But even today, and after the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed, Kirk still couldn't shake the image of his first officer lying in his arms bleeding and retching and frothing at the mouth. Kirk screwed up his face and rubbed a hand through his uncut and dirty hair, and with that he drained his beer and curled into a ball on the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two - Return to Duty

Kirk awoke the next morning to the sound of children laughing outside, and when he finally managed to heave himself up and out of bed, he saw that during the night it had snowed. He grimaced at the thick layer of white and the chillness that filled his apartment, and then memories from last night flooded back to him. Kirk clutched a hand to his stomach. This was the first time he had been completely sober in a very, very long time.

The remnants of the PADD were still shattered on the floor, and with shaking fingers Kirk stooped to gather them up and put them in the bin. He thought that whole part of his life had come to a close, that he wold never ever get to see his beloved Enterprise again or wear his yellow shirt, and even though his friends had all said they'd stay in contact, it was obviously difficult being on a starship hundreds of miles across the galaxy, even with today's technology.

The nearest Starfleet base was only an hour's drive away, and was the only place Kirk could guess Uhura had come from. Would she still be there if he- Kirk hunched his shoulders and marched over to the fridge, pulling out a beer and raising it to his lips, but for some reason something stopped him.

The ambassador's daughter Avita had only been eleven when they'd met. He could remember her clearly because she had followed him around for five days in awe, like a love-struck teenager. That had been six years ago, two years into their five year mission, which meant Avita wold be seventeen now and probably a beautiful young Xiino. The fact she had been kidnapped fired up a deep concern for the girl, and Kirk put down his untouched beer before going to have a shower.

Never in a million years had Kirk thought he'd be going anywhere near a Starfleet base ever again, or near a ship, but he could remember how stubborn Ambassador Zurek was – and how stubborn all the Xiinos were – if he didn't go would Avita even be found? Of course he had to go. Kirk climbed out of the shower and dried and dressed, shoving as many clothes and possessions into a duffel bag as possible before heading out into the snow.

The Greange Starfleet base – because apparently he was living in a city called Greange, Kirk had no idea – was a large building of metal and glass that looked incredibly out of place among the derelict businesses and houses of the city. It stretched forty floors high, the roof circled by shuttles, and the entrance thick with uniformed Starfleet officers that almost all cast him confused half-recognising glances.

Kirk ignored them all. He stood at the base of the steps that led up to the large glass entrance doors with his duffel bag flung across his shoulder, a lump in his throat and that same white hot pang in his stomach. Seeing Uhura yesterday had brought it all back, and now the pang refused to go away, and it only grew with the thought of seeing-

He ran a hand over his unshaven face and headed into the building. Luckily there wasn't a bar, with it being a federation building, but Kirk had seen one just down the road on his way here and if he chickened out he was definitely going straight there. He walked up to the reception desk, behind which sat a hook-nosed woman with lank brown hair and beady eyes. She viewed him coldly.

"State your name and rank." She almost snapped.

Kirk half-chuckled. "Err James Kirk. I'm looking for Lieutenant Nyota Uhura."

At this, the woman gave him an incredulous glare. "_The _James Kirk?" She asked, rising slowly from her seat to get a closer look at him. "Ex-captain of the USS Enterprise?"

"The very one." He leant on the desk and tried to switch on the charm, but in all honesty Kirk wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and hide. "So can put out a message for me? Lieutenant Nyota Uhura."

The receptionist looked as though she wanted to smile, but didn't. She sat back down and pulled a microphone to her lips, before announcing across the whole building if there was a Lieutenant Nyota Uhura available to come to reception. Kirk thanked the woman and spun about, leaning on the bar, rubbing his stubbly face and hoping to God he didn't look at awful as he felt.

Uhura had obviously not expected to see him, because as soon as she entered the reception she froze. She was wearing her Starfleet uniform now, the short red dress fitting her perfectly and her long hair pulled up into a high ponytail. Kirk gave her a small cheeky grin, tightening his grip on his duffel bag and striding towards her, but the lieutenant broke into a run and met him half way, wrapping her arms tightly about his neck.

"Oh my God, Uhura are you _hugging_ me?" Kirk laughed, but he couldn't help relaxing into her arms. It had been a long time since he'd felt familiar arms about him.

"Shut up you." Uhura hissed in his ear, but she clung on just a few moments longer before pulling away and giving him another smile. "I can't believe you came. You look like hell! We're going to have to clean you up before you set foot on Starbase."

Kirk grimaced. "I'm only doing this for Avita, okay? As soon as she's safe, I'm home."

Uhura didn't respond to this, but she grinned in a way that suggested she knew otherwise, and grabbed hold of his arm, starting to drag him through the building. They went straight to the Starfleet base gym where, even though he had washed that morning, Uhura shoved him into a hot shower. Kirk couldn't ignore the way she examined his wasted body, the way his skin had become sallow and stretched over his bones, his bulging muscle had long gone, and there was no brightness to his blue eyes. They were nearer grey, and sunken.

She didn't say anything, and Kirk was grateful for that. He wasn't proud of what he had become, or the way he had become, and he was dreading seeing his friends for the first time. What was Bones going to- oh God Bones. Kirk shook the thought from his head and climbed out of the shower, wrapping a towel about his middle before picking up the shaver Uhura had left behind for him. When he ready, he pulled on the Starfleet uniform.

It was a red jumpsuit and jacket with a stand collar over a red turtleneck-like sweater, the Starfleet insignia displayed prominently on the collar, and it brought back a flood of emotions. Kirk swallowed painfully and stepped out to meet Uhura. She raised her eyebrows when she saw him, placing her hands on her hips and viewing up and down once.

"Well isn't that a sight for sore eyes." She said.

Kirk forced a laugh. "Yeah, it's been a while since I wore a junior officer dress uniform." He commented. "So tell me what the plan is here. I want to know what I'm getting myself into, and at which points I can back out and find a bar."

Uhura rolled her eyes. "No more drinking." She ordered. "You need to start _eating_ again, okay? We go to Starbase now, where you'll be met by Admiral Gordon. He's going to fill you in on everything, but we're not leaving until you complete the psych test and Kobayashi Maru. And you also need a full medical exam."

"Urgh great. I haven't seen a doctor for three years Uhura."

She didn't respond to this, and before they knew it they were in a shuttle heading to Starbase. Kirk spent the whole time wishing he'd stayed at home, or at least been smart enough to bring along a flask to keep in his pocket. It was nice being back in a uniform though; he couldn't deny that, even if it wasn't his captain's shirt, and he wondered if they'd let him keep it after he failed all the tests. Because there was no way he was going to pass the tests.

The first time he had taken the psych test, all those years ago, he had passed with flying colours. The psych test was described as "a psychological evaluation based on reactions to various individual problems." It was designed to force an applicant to face their greatest fear and evaluate their reaction to it. The officers had put Kirk in a similar environment to that in which his Dad had faced on dying; thinking he may choke, but he had done exactly what his old man had done, because it was a captain's duty to do anything for the survival of his crew.

He had no idea what it would be this time round.

"Scotty's really excited about seeing you." Uhura said, as the shuttle slid into its docking station and they climbed out into Starbase.

Kirk only half heard her. The second he had stepped out of the shuttle he had stopped. Before him stretched a large hanger bay, lined on either side with shuttle after shuttle and in the center there was a flood of red uniformed officers. The sight was so familiar he felt a rush of emotion, a lump in his throat, and just the tiniest hint of joy at having coming along.

"I told Spock you'd come." Uhura said from behind him.

Kirk spun about immediately. "Wh-what?"

She nodded. "He didn't think you'd come. He knows you blame him. You made that very clear before you were kicked off Starbase."

Kirk balled his hands into fists, and turned back to face the hanger bay. "I know it isn't his fault." He hissed. "It's my fault. But that doesn't excuse his actions."

"O-okay. Let's not get into this now." Uhura held up her hands to him before starting to push him through the crowd. "Admiral Gordon is waiting for us. We're already late."

They made their way from the hanger bay, through a second one, and down a long white corridor. Admiral Gordon was a tall bald man with dark skin and an even darker beard, and he met them outside his office and immediately shook Kirk's hand with a smile, indicating for them to follow him inside. Kirk immediately threw himself down into the nearest chair, but Uhura remained on her feet, upright and saluting.

"Thank you lieutenant." Gordon nodded to her, and she stood at ease. "Mr Kirk." He then turned to the man. "The years have not been kind to you."

Kirk blinked up at him.

"Lieutenant Uhura has informed you of the situation?" Gordon then asked. "We received the call from Ambassador Zurek six days ago, in which he reported that his daughter was missing and he required aid in finding her. We recommended sending to him a starship, and he requested the USS Enterprise and yourself."

Again, Kirk simply blinked.

"We informed him of your expulsion from Starfleet, but he insisted that you must be a member of the search party." Gordon went on. "After much discussion, Starfleet has agreed to reinstate you as an ensign, as long as you pass a full medical exam, a psych test, and the Kobayashi Maru. Is that understood?"

Kirk leant forward in his chair. "I understand."

Gordon nodded and grinned. "If you pass, you shall work under Lieutenant Uhura aboard the Enterprise, and assist in the search for Avita. Now, you shall accompany the lieutenant to the infirmary."

They rose to their feet, shook hands and saluted, and Uhura and Kirk left the office. The second they were outside, Kirk leant against the wall and put his head in his hands, groaning so loudly that several passing officers looked at him in shock. The reason Kirk hadn't wanted to talk to Admiral Gordon was because that white hot pang had returned to his stomach tenfold, and now he felt sick and light-headed.

"I need a drink." He gasped, looking about desperately. "_Now!_"

Uhura grabbed hold of him and pushed him against the wall, her expression fierce. "You are coming to the infirmary with me right now. And _that's _an order!"


	3. Chapter 3

**So I'm not too happy with this chapter but I've posted it anyway aha**

**I might change it slightly later on, but I'll wait and see what you all think :/**

* * *

Chapter Three - The Tale of Two Spocks

Doctor Prince was new to Starfleet, but that didn't make him any less brilliant. The only thing that annoyed Kirk was the man's incredible ability to be happy about everything. It was like they had found the complete opposite of Bones, and even though Kirk was dreading seeing his friend, he started to miss him. Bones was going to have a field day when he saw him. Kirk would be incredibly surprised if the man didn't sedate him out of sheer annoyance.

Kirk stripped down to his underwear, and then Doctor Prince scanned him, weighed him, checked his heart and pulse, his eyesight and breathing, took a blood sample and a urine sample, before finally tapping away at his PADD enthusiastically.

"Jim!" He then shouted, so suddenly it made him jump. "You've changed considerably since you last had a check-up."

Kirk pulled a face. "Yeah, well…"

"Last time we weighed you, you were 170 pounds Jim." Doctor Prince shook his head at him. "Now you weigh 130 pounds, that's a sizeable drop, and very unhealthy for a man your height."

Kirk opened his mouth to reply, but the doctor shook his head again, harder.

"And your liver is in a terrible mess from all that drinking." He said. "I want you on a liver enhancing diet, that's salads, beans, nuts, yogurt, fruits and vegetables. And you're to avoid any stimulants and depressants like tea, coffee, tobacco and alcohol. And drink plenty of water! I mean lots of it! As much as you can drink! This is very important."

"Err doc-"

Doctor Prince held up a hand to silence him, shaking his head even harder, until it looked like it might fly off. "I'm also putting you on a five-exercises-a-day plan. Need to get your strength up if you're going to be on any missions."

Kirk pursed his lips, but when the doctor didn't continue, he finally spoke. "But I pass, right?"

"Pfft!" Doctor Prince waved an arm about over his head, but then smiled and laughed. "Jim, you're not at standard Starfleet condition, but you're healthy enough. But believe me when I say that Doctor McCoy will be receiving all of my notes and giving you regular check-ups, especially to weigh you and check that liver. Understand?"

He nodded and started to pull on his clothes. "I understand. Thanks doc."

"Now if I'm not mistaken, you have a psych test this afternoon?" Doctor Prince grinned at him broadly, before slapping him on the shoulder. "Good luck!"

Outside in the infirmary, Uhura was waiting for him, but she wasn't alone. Scotty stood behind her in his red shirt, his arm wrapped about her shoulders and whispering something in her ear that was making her giggle, but the second he saw Kirk, he stopped and ran. Kirk was almost knocked over by the weight of his friend hugging him, and then almost crushed as Scotty started to jump up and down in excitement.

"Look at yer, yer bastard!" He laughed.

Kirk gave him a playful shove. "Look at you! All grown up and married. Sorry I didn't err… you know." He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

Scotty made a 'pfft' sound. "I cannae remember haf' of it anyways!"

Uhura raised her eyebrows at this and marched towards them. "This is true. I had to fill him in the next morning."

"The bathtub?" Kirk smiled.

Scotty pulled a face. "Hey! Yer told him?"

The woman folded her arms and fixed him with a look Kirk didn't understand. "You have to get ready for your psych test, Jim." She then said. "Scotty just wanted to wish you luck."

"Oh a did!" Scotty grabbed hold of Kirk's hand and shook it furiously. "Looking forward to havin' yer back on the team Jim!"

Kirk didn't respond to this, but forced a smile, and then Uhura dragged him out of the infirmary and through an intricate maze of corridors that kirk couldn't ever remember walking along, to a room marked private. Inside it was small and dark, with nothing much but for a large control panel and an ever larger window, looking into a second, empty room. There was a man in red sitting at the control panel, and when the door opened he spun about and jumped up.

"And I don't need to ask who you are." Said the man, holding out a hand. "But I'm Karl. Karl Jobs. I'll be in control of your psych test today." He saluted.

"It's been a long time since I took one of these." Kirk replied.

Uhura nodded. "You remember how it goes? You'll be placed in a situation, one that-"

Kirk waved a hand at her. "I remember, okay? I got this. Worst fear I have right now is running out of credit for drink." And he forced a laugh.

Neither she nor Karl was very impressed. Kirk made his way from the control room and through into the next room, only when he closed the door behind him, it wasn't a room anymore. It was a forest. He didn't recognise it at first. The trees were a deep purple, fat and tall and stretching so high above him he couldn't only just make out the large red leaves. There were red leaves around his feet too; dotted with fruit that looked a lot like oranges, only they were bright yellow in colour.

Kirk remembered now. This was Heth III. Of course they'd put him in a situation similar to that which got him fired. What was going to happen next? A wild unknown beast with poisonous claws? Kirk looked down at his middle, where a phaser had appeared, and he pulled it out, slowly starting to push his way through the plants and through the trees. He had no idea how long he had been walking for before he heard it, the low rumbling growl that was unfamiliar and familiar all at once, and then Kirk saw it. Spock.

Spock was lying on the ground, barely visible amid the red plants, and he was badly injured. In fact Kirk had only ever seen the Vulcan this badly injured once before. His eyes were closed and his blue science uniform was in shreds, green gushing from so many wounds Kirk couldn't even count them. It was as though Spock had been chewed up by a horrific beast and then spat back out again. And Kirk had frozen at the sight.

Why had the psych test picked a dead Spock as his greatest fear?

It made him frown. Spock was his least favourite person in the world right now, granted he didn't want to see the Vulcan die, they had been friends, but why this? If Kirk knew where the hidden window was, where Karl and Uhura were watching him, he would have pulled a face at them, but he didn't and so instead he walked up to Spock and crouched down beside him. He had a pulse. Good. Kirk looked about but he could no longer bear the low rumbling growl.

"C-Captain…?"

He looked down. Spock had half open his eyes and was trying to reach out to him, his long slender fingers shaking and covered in green.

Kirk felt that white hot pang again, in his stomach and in his chest. Why had the psych test chosen this? It was so real, and he couldn't stay mad at him. Spock was dying. _No, it was a simulation of Spock dying. _It wasn't real. It was a test.

"You crazy son-of-a-bitch." Kirk forced a laugh, undoing his jacket and pulling off his shirt, using his teeth to rip it into strips. "What did you do this time?"

Spock coughed up a mouthful of blood. "I… do not… under-"

"Stop talking. You're making it worse."

Kirk bound as many of Spock's wounds as he could manage and then carefully helped him to his feet, supporting his weight, and together they started to hobble through the trees.

"I got no idea what I'm supposed to do now." He hissed.

He checked his belt, but there was no communicator. So he was alone on a forest on Heth III with a badly wounded Spock and nowhere to beam to or anyone to help them. What the hell type of psych test was this? Kirk was just about to start shouting for Karl or Uhura when the plants several feet away from the rustled, and Spock stepped out. Everyone froze. Kirk stared from the Spock in his arms to the Spock standing in front of him, and back again, several times, but the two of them were frowning at each other, equally confused.

"What's going on?" Kirk started.

Standing-Spock pointed at him. "James… I believe you are supporting an imposter."

He raised his eyebrows, looking down at injured-Spock. "What the hell kind of test is this?" He snapped. "What's going on? Who are you?" He pointed at standing-Spock. "And who are you?" He gently leant injured-Spock against the nearest tree and stepped backwards to examine them both.

"James, I do believe that is a-"

Kirk looked at standing-Spock and cut him off. "Yeah, yeah you've already said that, just let me think here."

"C-Captain… you m-must not… listen to h-him!" Injured-Spock tried to reach out for him.

Standing-Spock pulled out a phaser. "James… I would advise that you step away from him this instant."

"Hey! Hey! Wait a minute!" Kirk jumped in between them, tightening his grip on his phaser in case he suddenly had to raise it. "Let's think about this _logically_, shall we? _Commander?_"

Standing-Spock lowered his phaser. "Yes James, of course."

Kirk ran a hand though his hair. "Well there can't be two of you, that's just impossible, so one of you has to be fake. You!" He pointed at injured-Spock. "Tell me something only real-Spock would know!"

A frown crossed injured-Spock's face. "The Kobayashi Maru…" He coughed. "Y-You cheated by…"

"Everyone knows that." Kirk waved a hand.

Standing-Spock stepped forward. "I believe I may be able to offer something more reliable James." He said. "During our five year mission aboard the USS Enterprise, on a night when you decided to try a particularly strong alcohol from Xiino IV, you made your way into my quarters thinking they were yours. I was not present at the time, and I found you hours later-"

"A-asleep." Injured-Spock cut in. "You w-were asleep on m-my bed."

Kirk pursed his lips and blushed with embarrassment at the memory. He would never forget waking up to Spock leaning over him with an eyebrow raised in question.

"This isn't getting us anywhere." He said, clearing his throat. "Why are there two of you? Do I have to kill one of you? Because I'll kill both of you if it will get me out of this-"

Standing-Spock held up his phaser again. "I will not allow any harm to come to you James." He said. "This Spock in an imposter, and as your first officer, it is my duty to ensure your protection."

Kirk held up his own phaser, but as soon as he did injured-Spock jumped up from the tree and wrenched it from his grip, aiming it directly for standing-Spock.

"C-captain, do n-not listen to h-him!" He chocked, the moving causing a dribble of green to trail down his chin.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Kirk held out both his hands. "Just wait a minute here!"

Standing-Spock raised an eyebrow at his double. "You are making a grave mistake if you believe you can hurt James!"

"And y-you are mistaken if y-you believe I shall l-let you do the s-same."

"Stand aside, imposter!"

"I w-will not."

Standing-Spock growled quietly. "James! Step aside! I shall deal with this imposter myself!"

Kirk threw himself at standing-Spock, punching him about the face as hard as his wracked body would let him. Oh course, Spock wasn't hurt, but the sudden attack took him by surprise and allowed Kirk to grab his phaser and aim it directly at his head. Standing-Spock stared up at him, his black eyes wide, and then they narrowed and a wide smirk appeared on his face. The sight was unnerving.

"What gave me away?" He snarled, his voice suddenly not his own.

Kirk tightened his grip on the phaser, his hands shaking a little. "You kept calling me James." He said. "Spock doesn't do that."

He pulled the trigger, but the Spock fizzled from view before the phaser even fired, leaving behind a black mass of plant on the ground. Kirk relaxed, running a hand through his hair, and then there was a sudden sound from behind him that made him spin about. Spock - the real Spock - had collapsed against the tree, the phaser dropped, his hand pressed against his chest. Kirk only just managed to catch him before he fell.

And then everything was gone and Kirk was crouched in an empty room with his arms held out in front of him. He blinked at the sudden light. The white hot pain that had returned at the thought of seeing Spock die in his arms started to lessen, and he stood up and turned to look through the window into the control room. He couldn't see very well through the tinted glass, but he was sure there were not three people in there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for all your reviews! I seriously didn't think this was good enough aha ^_^**

**This chapter is really short, I apologise, but hopefully 5 will be better, once Kirk is reunited with Spock**

* * *

Chapter Four - The Enterprise

The first thing Kirk did when the psych test was over was run to the room Uhura told him he'd been assigned to, and he collapsed on the bed. He felt shaky after that test, feverish too, but he was pretty sure it was because he hadn't had a drink in fourteen hours, and not because of the test itself. His head was pounding and a light sweat covered his neck and chest, and his hands were trembling worse than before.

Kirk wrung his wrists and pulled off his uniform, going for a shower, but the hot water and the steam only made him worse, and in the end he returned to his bed in a dazed half-conscious state, and it took him a long time to realise someone was dabbing at his face and neck with a cold wet cloth. Kirk made a small choking sound and tilted his head. His room was dark, but for a thin crack of light through the part-opened bathroom door, and the head leaning over him was somewhat familiar.

"B-Bones…?"

The head sniggered. "Yeah, it's me, you damn bastard."

Kirk ran a hand over his face, feeling how clammy he was. "Uh what time is it? When's the Kobayashi Maru?"

"It's seven, and _that's _tomorrow." Bones huffed, and he pulled something from a bag at his side. "You damn alcoholic. I brought you this."

With some effort, Kirk managed to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed. Bones was holding up a small glass phial containing a clear liquid.

"What is it? Vodka? Tequila?" He half-chuckled.

Bones got to his feet and smacked him round the back of the head. "No. It'll help your body recover. Lessen these damn withdrawal symptoms."

The liquid tasted foul, like dirty water that had been sitting in the sun for too long, only it was ice cold from Bones' bag. Kirk choked it down and pulled a face, heaving, but then settled back on his bed as he felt a wave of cool. It wasn't long before his temperature returned to normal, but his hands continued to shake and his head still hurt. He looked up at Bones with a small smile.

"I wasn't ready to see you yet." He whispered.

"Yeah, well, you didn't have a damn choice." Bones packed up his things. "After you ran off, Uhura got worried, didn't she? I was in the infirmary collecting your files and she found me. 130 pounds! Are you kidding me Jim!"

Kirk pulled a face. He tried to think of a witty remark, something to make his old friend laugh, but there was nothing, and Bones knew him too well. The doctor moved to sit beside him, leaning forward on his knees, and then he drew a deep breath as though there was something he wanted to say, but didn't know how to. He patted Kirk's knee.

"It's good to see you Jim." He smiled. "The Enterprise hasn't been the same without you."

"And the captain?" Kirk's tone was solemn.

Bones grimaced and shrugged. "Now you know I can't stand that pointy-eared bastard, but he's a damn fine captain, Jim, I can't deny that."

"Sounds about right." Kirk laughed that time, and he got to his feet. "So if you're here, does that mean Spock is too? I mean, the Enterprise… is she…"

"She's here. She's docked." There was playfulness to Bones' voice. "Do you wanna see her?"

Kirk was dressed and out of the room quicker than Bones had time to laugh, and together they marched down the corridor. It was as though nothing had happened, as though they had never been apart, and Kirk was eternally grateful for that. Bones patted his shoulder, reciting moments from Uhura and Scotty's wedding and then telling him about a mission when Chekov had accidently inhaled a hallucinatory gas. He had spent three days speaking in nothing but Russian thinking he'd been kidnapped by androids.

By the time they reached the Enterprise they were both panting from laughter, their cheeks red and their eyes teary, but as soon as Kirk laid eyes on the ship he froze. Nothing else in the world mattered anymore. She was even more beautiful than he remembered, with not a scratch on her, her surface smooth and shiny and clean and if he didn't know better Kirk would have said she was brand new. He clutched at Bones, a dreaming smile on his face.

"You can't come aboard." Bones said, quietly. "Not until you pass the tests. You do know that right Jim?"

Kirk nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from the ship, from _his_ ship, _his baby_. There was a lump in his throat, and he was just about to turn to Bones when something caught his attention. In one of the windows, way high above them, he could just make out a familiar form. It was blue-shirted and black-haired, staring down at them. Kirk had to squint his eyes to see properly, but it was definitely Spock.

"Green-blooded hobgoblin." Bones muttered under his breath. "Come on. Let's get some food. And then you should sleep."

They made their way to the nearest mess hall, where they spent ten minutes arguing over what Kirk should have to eat. There was a luxurious array of different meats, paired up with fat golden chips and onion rings or mashed potato and gravy, but of course Bones put on his doctor's voice and fetched Kirk a salad and bowl of fresh fruit. Kirk sank into his seat with a groan but picked at the bowl of green and red. It at least had chicken in it.

Bones watched him closely, unable to shield his concern, and he found that all he wanted to do was wrap his friend in bubble-wrap and take care of him. After hearing Uhura's account, and after reading Doctor Prince's notes, Bones had expected the worse. What he saw before him now was a sliver of the man he used to know.

Kirk looked up at him suddenly, a tomato shoved in his mouth. "Wha'?"

"It's just good to have you back!" Bones couldn't quite force a laugh, but he tried.

X

The next morning Kirk was woken up by Uhura at seven o'clock, with a bowl of fruit for breakfast, the biggest glass of water he'd ever seen, and another shot of whatever that clear liquid was Bones had given him yesterday. He forced it all down with a grimace and then showered and dressed in his junior officer dress uniform, and then followed Uhura from the room.

She informed him that the Kobayashi Maru was taking place at half eight, along with a small handful of other students who had beamed up from Earth especially so that Kirk could take the exam. This didn't make him confident. Obviously the situation was different, but at least last time Kirk had already been training with his fellow students. To make it worse he wouldn't be acting as captain, or even first officer, but as a simple communicator.

Nevertheless he took his seat once they reached the designated room and waited for everyone else to arrive, and then they began. It was of course a no-win situation, and they failed to rescue the shuttle or defeat the Klingon war ship that was the cause, however Admiral Gordon informed Kirk afterwards that he had performed 'adequately' enough for him to be reinstated into Starfleet. He took this news well, despite being reminded that he was only being reinstated as an ensign.

Kirk went back to his room and repacked his duffle bag after that, viewing his clothes and the few possessions he had brought with him but thinking only about the Enterprise. He tried to visualise the bridge, the captain's chair, his quarters, the mess hall, the infirmary, Bones sulking about with hyposprays, Sulu and Chekov at the helm, Spock at his science station…

A wave of sickness washed over him and the white hot pang returned. Kirk had to sit down it was so overwhelming. He had never quite forgiven Spock, even though he knew, he_ knew_ that it was his own fault he'd been fired. The Vulcan had only been following his duty. But that didn't stop him from being angry at him. Kirk had sworn to himself that he wouldn't cry over the matter, that he wouldn't show how much it had hurt. He had exited the trial calmly, confronted Spock calmly, and then he had left.

It didn't seem as simple now to just act like he was fine. Everyone knew he wasn't fine, that he hadn't coped with the loss well, and goodness knows what they were all expecting from him. Kirk was sure he would feel much worse about it and be on the next shuttle back to Earth if he didn't want to stand on the bridge of the Enterprise just one last time. He hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye three years ago.

He picked up his bag and left the room, where Uhura was waiting in the corridor with a neatly folded yellow shirt and a pair of black trousers and boots in her hands.

"I have something for you." She held them out, trying incredibly hard not to smile. "You passed all your tests. I'm sure Admiral Gordon told you."

Kirk nodded, taking the uniform and clutching them to his chest. "Thank you Uhura. Thank you for coming to get me."

She suddenly looked guilty. "I wish I had sooner."

He couldn't help but laugh at this, properly and without force. "Aww Nyota, I never knew you cared."

Uhura punched him on the arm. "That's lieutenant to you, _Ensign Kirk._" And she folded her arms and tilted up her chin. "The Enterprise is leaving at 1500 hours. You have your old room back next to Spock's, in the officer's quarters." She paused. "You shouldn't have, but we all agreed that it's your room, so you might as well have it back."

Kirk grinned then.

"You're cleared to enter the Enterprise." Uhura continued. "Just not the bridge. Go to your room and unpack and change. And try not to get into trouble. You're _my _responsibility now."

He couldn't run to the Enterprise quick enough. Kirk bounded aboard, almost knocking over several engineers, and then he stopped in the middle of a corridor and held out a hand to the wall, slowly, hesitantly, as though this was all a dream and it would disappear as soon as he touched it. She was warm to the touch and smooth, and the surface vibrated ever so slightly under his fingers. Kirk released a sigh and smiled, stroking the wall for a few seconds longer, before turning and heading straight to his room.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – The Captain

Kirk's room had always been adjoined to Spock's, identical in every way with double beds and separate bathrooms, assessable not only by the doors from the corridor, but also by a door inside if they so wished to pass from one room to the other. They were large and rectangular, with a window at the far end opposite the door and the bed against the left wall – Spock's against the right, since the rooms were opposites of each other – and the bathroom immediately to the right on entering – Spock's to the left on entering.

The first thing Kirk did when he got into his room was seal the door and throw himself onto the bed. It felt just like he remembered; soft and bouncy. Surprisingly, and probably because no one had used it since he left three years ago, it still smelt slightly familiar too. As he rolled onto his back and stared out of the window Kirk caught a whiff of his aftershave. It had been a while since he had been able to afford such a thing.

Kirk sat up and unfolded the uniform he had been given. It was yellow and long-sleeved, only unlike his captain's shirt this one had no silver bands worn on the cuffs, because ensigns and enlisted personnel wore no rank insignia. It brought a brief white hot pang to his stomach, and for a second kirk clenched his hands into fists, but then he stripped down and pulled on the uniform before admiring himself in the mirror.

This was the first time he had properly examined himself in a mirror for a long while. The yellow uniform actually made his skin look slightly sallower, which wasn't too good, the material hung off his thin body, and he was in desperate need of a haircut. Kirk ran his hands through the golden-brown locks and rubbed his eyes. He was going to have to mentally prepare himself for meeting Spock, because how could he work under Uhura without crossing paths with the Vulcan?

"Alright Jim." He said to himself, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet and rolling his shoulders. "You can do this."

He went over to his duffle bag and started top unpack, folding everything into the wardrobe before pulling out his belongings, placing them at various points about the room and deciding that as soon as he got his first payment of credits he could buy a picture or a plant or _something_ to make it more homely. Before, he had had posters and a calendar of Orion girls that Bones had got him for Christmas one year, but these were all gone; probably thrown out.

Kirk went over to the window to watch the uniformed personnel running about outside, doing last minute preparation for the Enterprise's departure, and then there came a knock at the door. To his surprise, it was Sulu and Chekov, and without waiting for an invitation they both leapt into the room and embraced him with laughs of joy and cries of greeting. Kirk was almost thrown backwards.

"Mr Kirk, sir!" Chekov seemed practically ecstatic to see him. "It is wery, wery good to see you back sir!"

Sulu took a step backwards and saluted him. "It is indeed, sir."

Kirk chuckled, embarrassed. "It's just Kirk now, you guys." And he indicated his sleeves.

"Pfft." Sulu waved a hand at him. "You'll always be our captain. Spock's good, I mean… he's really good, but, he isn't as fun."

Chekov covered his mouth with his hand and giggled. "Zis is true sir."

Kirk closed the door behind them and offered them seats. "So what exactly is Spock like as captain? Apart from no fun?" He couldn't help laugh too.

"Efficient." Sulu nodded. "Highly efficient, and insightful too. But he hasn't been right since you left. I know he's half-Vulcan and all, but he's become… well… detached."

Chekov nodded in agreement. "He is err become more Vulcan-like sir. More cold and serious."

"You mean… my leaving… upset him?" Kirk could hardly believe this.

Sulu shrugged at him and pulled a face. "I don't know. But something hasn't been right with him since you left. I mean, he and Uhura split up almost as soon as you left, and all because Uhura could see how much it had affected him. And when he's not on the bridge Spock just spends all his time in his…"

They all turned to look at the wall separating Kirk's room from Spock's. If the Vulcan was in there, he definitely would have heard them with his super hearing. There was no use stopping now.

"Well, fuck him." Kirk said, even though there was now a lump in his throat and his chest had tightened. "He obviously doesn't care that much about me, so why should I about him? He hasn't even come to see me yet. He just stared at me out of a window yesterday. And I swear he was watching my psych test."

"Oh he was sir." Chekov piped up. "And your Kobayashi Maru sir."

Kirk pursed his lips at this. His chest became worse and his heart was suddenly thudding painfully fast against his ribs. Now he thought about it, why had the Vulcan not moved into his room? It was, after all, the captain's room. Spock hadn't had much difficulty becoming captain, so it seemed, and yet he had remained in his first officer's room. Did he feel guilty over what had happened? Had it really upset him that much?

"Jim?" Sulu was staring at him with raised eyebrows.

He shook his head and forced a smile. "Hungry." He announced. "What kind of non-salady stuff do you think I can scoff because Bones catches me? I fancy a steak!"

They left the room together, making their way to the mess hall where unfortunately Bones was getting something for himself, and on seeing Kirk he pointed at him and told him to 'eat damn healthy or he'd fix him to a tube'. After that he was forced to retrieve a bowl of vegetable pasta, and just to be extra teasing, Sulu and Chekov sat sharing a huge plateful of chips smothered in powdered tomato sauce, 'hmm-ing' and 'aww-ing' as they ate.

"Surely I can have one!" Kirk moaned, as he tried desperately to grab a chip. "They're potatoes, right? Vegetables!"

Sulu was holding the plate above his head. "Bones says no!"

"Chips are fried, which mean saturated fats, they're carbohydrates and they contain Trans fats." Bones informed from his seat, jabbing a fork into Kirk's pasta and holding it out for him. "Look at this yummy healthy carbs with broccoli and carrots and-"

Chekov had thrown a chip at Kirk and the man had attempted to catch it with his mouth but failed, diving from his chair and very nearly falling off it. Bones rolled his eyes and placed his head in his hands as Kirk then made a wild grab for the plate of chips, causing it to fall from Sulu's grip, and if Chekov hadn't moved to catch it, it would have smashed on the floor. Kirk fell back into his chair laughed, instead picking up an apple and biting into it, while Sulu and Chekov mourned over the loss of their fallen chips.

"Ensign Kirk." Came a voice from beside them suddenly.

Everyone looked up. Spock was standing a few feet from the table, his hands gathered behind his back and his shoulder's squared. Sulu and Chekov jumped to attention, saluting, and bones gave him a small acknowledging grunt, but Kirk had frozen. The Vulcan looked exactly the same; upright and proper, neat black hair, pointed ears, his face expressionless and his black eyes even more so. Spock was looking only at Kirk.

"Err…"

"You will follow me." Spock said, spinning about on his heal and walking away from the table.

Kirk looked round at Bones, who raised his eyebrows urgently, but Kirk found that he was routed to the spot. The sight of the Vulcan had rendered him catatonic and suddenly it felt like he couldn't breathe and the room was closing in about him and his vision was blurring and his hands were trembling and-

"Jim!" Bones hissed in his ear, nudging him. "You have to go."

Spock had not waited for him at the door, and Kirk had to run to catch up with him, almost tripping over in his haste, and he would have blushed at his actions if he wasn't trying so hard to control his breathing. He felt like an idiot racing after him. Spock didn't seem to notice. He strode onwards with long strides in the direction of the bridge, and Kirk was surprise to find only Uhura there when they got there.

"Captain?" She frowned, looking over at them from her spot by the window.

Spock gave her one nod. "Lieutenant."

Uhura glanced at Kirk, for some reason looking incredibly worried. "What are you…" She trailed off when Spock turned to Kirk sharply.

"You shall be accompanying myself during your time aboard the Enterprise." He informed.

Kirk almost choked. "But I thought…" He pointed at Uhura.

"I have revised the situation with Admiral Gordon, and as captain of this vessel, I believe I am more suited to keeping Ensign Kirk in order." Spock said expressionlessly, directing himself towards Uhura, who had pursed her lips in obvious annoyance.

"Very well captain." She saluted stiffly, before leaving the bridge, and leaving them alone.

Kirk balled his hands into fists and hunched his shoulders, not feeling ready enough to be alone with him, but just as he was about to leave Spock turned around, looking down at him blankly. That white hot pang erupted in Kirk's stomach and he suddenly felt the need to scream and cry and throw things and kick and shout. It took all of his will-power to swallow everything down.

"I see you have not been taking adequate care of yourself." Spock commented, rigidly.

Kirk balled his hands tighter as they started to tremble. _Damn it I need a drink_, he thought. "Yeah well…" He couldn't think of anything to say.

"I studied your medical file; it seems you have not been handling your expulsion in a logical manner." Spock continued. "Consumption of inebriating substances, lack of cleanliness…" He trailed off, something flashing across his face, but as quickly as it had happened it was gone.

Kirk was sure his nails were cutting into his palms, but he couldn't feel it. "Well it's not like I had anything better to do." He hissed.

"You could have found alternative employment." Spock offered.

"Oh just shut up." Kirk snapped, more viciously that he meant to. "Of course I couldn't. Who would hire a disgraced Starfleet captain? You think I didn't try? You think I just gave up on life?" His voice wavered slightly.

Spock seemed taken aback by this small outburst. "I am sorry, I did not-"

"Well just save it." Kirk turned his back on him. "I may be back, but don't think for one second that we're friends again."

He marched from the bridge and Spock didn't even try to stop him. If Kirk had glanced over his shoulder, if he had just turned around to say one last thing, he would have seen the regret and hurt that filled Spock's black eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Your reviews are all amazing and supportive thank you very much!**

**I seriously didn't think anyone would like it, and since you do, have another chapter 3**

* * *

Chapter Six - Olilla

The Enterprise left the Starbase at precisely 1500 hours and immediately initiated Warp 8. Even at this cruising speed it would take a few days to reach Xiino IV, which gave Kirk plenty of time to enjoy being back on the ship, and to get to grips with his new duties. Since he was now working under Spock, it was Kirk's job to sit at the Vulcan's desk on the bridge and to supply him with all reports, observations, and speculations that might affect the safety of the Enterprise. It was an important job and Kirk was extremely surprised Spock had given it to him. It required watching over many scanners, and analysing then reporting anything suspicious.

Spock sat behind him in the captain's chair, staring through the window as space flashed by, occasionally turning to view Sulu or Chekov and asking for a report. Kirk kept his focus on the screens in front of him. He hadn't spoken to Spock after their reunion earlier, and the Vulcan was yet to talk to him, even to request a status update. He was glad of this. He had been unprepared for seeing him again which had resulted in a mini-outburst, something Kirk hoped never to repeat.

Uhura suddenly appeared by his side, tapping at a nearby screen but flashing him a small encouraging smile as she did so, as though that was the real reason she'd come over. Kirk flashed a cheeky grin, and was just about to open his mouth when a shadow fell across the desk. Instead he spun about in his seat and looked up, only to see a woman with an incredibly pissed off expression on her face.

Kirk had no idea who she was; he had never seen her before on the Enterprise. She was tall, with broad shoulders and angular features and deep grey eyes that closed sideways when she blinked. Not human then. She was wearing the blue uniform of the science department, her short black hair hanging down either side of her face, which had become even more pissed off at the way Kirk was looking at hr.

"Captain." She snapped, alerting Spock in his chair. "This is the ensign, James Kirk?"

Spock had gotten to his feet and was standing by her side now, both of them leaning over Kirk and making him feel like he'd done something very wrong.

"You are correct Olilla." Spock replied.

The woman pursed her lips and folded her arms, scrutinizing every inch of Kirk before smiling a very unpleasant that revealed slightly pointed canine teeth. "Well I don't see what all the fuss was about." She scoffed.

Kirk got to his feet then. "Excuse me, who the hell do you-"

"This is First Officer Olilla." Spock cut across him, matter-of-factly. "I apologise I have not introduced you sooner."

Olilla waved a hand and walked away from them, towards the captain's chair. "He is just an ensign." She sighed. "As long as he does his job, I will be happy."

Kirk balled his hands into fists and took a step forwards, but at a look from Spock he stopped dead. The Vulcan's eyes were actually flashing; warning him, silently ordering him to sit back down, and he did so stiffly and shaking with annoyance.

"When will we be arriving at Xiino IV, Lieutenant Salu?" Olilla asked loudly.

Sulu half turned towards her. "It's… Sulu. And we should be arriving in two days as long as we keep this speed up."

"Captain?" Olilla spun about on her heel and looked at him.

Spock nodded. "Very well. Chekov, you have the comm." And he sat back down as Olilla leant on the back of the chair heavily, a little too familiarly for Kirk's liking.

He returned to his screens, mumbling quietly under his breath and shooting Uhura a glare for not having warned him about the new first officer, who he deduced was Uniton – a species from a small planet called Unito. He had never come across one before, but from what he could remember, and from he could tell of Olilla, they were very human in appearance apart from the eyes and teeth, and they were very strong, almost Vulcan strong, and few of them ventured from their home planet, despite them being an incredibly intelligent race.

Kirk wasn't sure how long Olilla had been first officer, but she seemed to be very comfortable aboard the bridge. She pranced between the chairs and control panels like she was the most important person in the universe and enjoyed telling people they weren't doing something right, or that they needed to get on with doing it. She also seemed a little too relaxed around Spock; even though it was obvious to everyone how uncomfortable he got when she leaned into him or grabbed his arm for his attention.

A wave of jealousy washed over Kirk and he very nearly punched in the wrong key code because his hands had started to tremble again. He had a ten hour shift ahead of him, under the watchful eye of both Spock and Olilla, and all he wanted to do was find something alcoholic and drown in it. Maybe Bones would have some of that nasty clear liquid for him later…

It seemed however that Kirk was not in luck, because the second Spock announced his shift was over and he had six hours free, Olilla jumped forward and told him to follow her. Uhura tensed at this but of course made no move to stop him, and all Kirk could do was follow the Uniton into the turbolift. The woman stood in silence for most of the journey, her arms folded across her chest and her feet apart and her chin tilted upright importantly.

"You understand you position aboard this vessel?" She finally asked, her tone mocking.

Kirk swallowed back a remark. "I do."

"Then you also understand that Spock is your _captain_ and you are in position to be approaching him, other than to deliver reports." Olilla fixed him with raised eyebrows.

"I beg your par-"

She rounded on him angrily. "I was at that trial Mr Kirk! I saw the way you two looked at each other, the way you stood up for each other, even though you were in direct violation of all those protocols! Spock is a fantastic captain with a fantastic career ahead of him, and I will not allow a disgrace such as yourself to ruin that!"

Kirk was taken aback.

"You may have been reinstated, and you may be working under Spock, but don't think for one second that you are still his friend." Olilla continued. "You will not speak to him unless it is work related or he had spoken to you first. And you will not attempt to rekindle your friendship. Do I make myself clear?"

He was getting annoyed now. "Hey, who gives you the right to-"

Olilla suddenly lashed out at him, her hand connecting with his throat and momentarily rendering him speechless. Kirk fell against the inside of the list, clutching at his throat as the first officer lowered her hand and smartened her uniform.

"I would advise you to do as I have instructed." She said, coldly, just as the lift doors whooshed open.

Bones was standing outside, a PADD and a small medical bag under his arm, and at the sight of Kirk and Olilla together he paled and froze. The first officer however lit up as though she had just seen her favourite person in the entire world, and she bounded out of the lift towards him.

"Doctor McCoy!" She exclaimed. "How are you today?"

Bones had paled further. "Err, all's good, sir."

"Please!" She patted his arm and giggled in a very over-the-top way. "You can call me Olilla!" And with that she shipped off down the corridor.

Bones stepped into the lift with raised eyebrows and Kirk made a choking sound, standing upright and rubbing at his throat.

"Hey Bones." He chocked, rounding on his friend. "Was there something you forgot to mention? Maybe something about, oh I don't know, the first officer of death!"

"I would have told you if I'd been allowed!" The doctor held up his hands in defence. "That coo-coo Uniton said she was going to introduce herself."

Kirk moved a hand to his throat again. "Well she sure did that! Who the hell appointed a bat-shit-crazy first officer?"

He didn't need Bones to tell him who had appointed her; it was clear from his expression. Despite her seemingly split-personality she obviously had a fantastic record otherwise Spock wouldn't have assigned her. Kirk found he didn't care.

"I came looking for you." Bones interrupted his thoughts, and Kirk realised the lift had now taken them to the officer's quarters.

"Got any more of that fake-alcohol?" Kirk asked, striding down the corridor and punching in the code for his room.

Bones held up the phial, but didn't speak, his eyes sweeping about the room once the door had opened. He couldn't help notice how empty it was. It didn't look like his friend's room at all.

"I have your poster by the way." He eventually piped up, pointing to the blank spot on the wall where it had once been.

Kirk chuckled, taking the phial from him and drinking it, before pulling off his yellow shirt. "Keep it. I doubt I'm going to be around long enough to enjoy it. As soon as this mission is over, I'll be back home, I promise you."

"Is that your decision?" Bones raised an eyebrow.

"Oh come off it, you know it's true." Kirk shrugged, pulling off his undershirt and replacing it with a grey t-shirt. "Maybe I'll stay behind on Xiino IV. I'm allowed to do that right?"

Bones suddenly started towards him. "Damn it man, listen to yourself! You're here to stay now, we all counting on that."

Kirk was touched by this, but he knew this fact wasn't true. Even if he did exceptionally well on this mission and saved Avita, one right wouldn't correct a whole lot of wrongs. He had violated those protocols. There was no denying it.

"Anyway forget that for now. Get some sleep; doctor's orders!" Bones pointed at him threateningly, and left the room.

Kirk couldn't stop the smile that crossed his face, and then he thought about Olilla and the wave of jealousy that was consumed him at her actions towards Spock. It annoyed him. Not just because she was being so obnoxiously blind to the Vulcan's discomfort, but also because it bothered him. It shouldn't bother him. Why would it? He was angry at Spock. He hated him. But did he hate him? Kirk threw himself down onto his bed with a groan.

It had been a long time since he had felt anything other than anger towards Spock. Thinking about him had only ever caused that white hot pang in his stomach, and resulted in more drinking until he couldn't think about him anymore. Now however, he felt unmistakably possessive. Kirk wasn't captain anymore, but Spock was _his_, and he'd be damned if he was going to let some Uniton ruin that for him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven - Xiino IV

Two and a half days later, the Enterprise came out of warp to be met by the glorious sight that was Xiino IV. The class M planet was twice the size of Earth, golden orange in colour and surrounded by gas and pieces of rock, lit up by a star that looked very similar to the Sun. Kirk couldn't help but spin about in his chair to stare at it, the memories flooding back from all those years ago. He wondered if they still had that strange hallucinogenic fruit they had al tried one time…

"Lieutenant Sulu." Spock rose from his captain's chair. "Alert the ambassador that we have arrived, and shall be beaming down shortly."

Sulu nodded.

"Lieutenant Uhura." Spock spun about on his heel and marched over to her. "I would like you to organise the ground team; myself, yourself, along with Carnell, Betha and McFranis. We shall greet the ambassador and discuss with him the terms of searching for his daughter."

Kirk raised a hand. "Err…"

"I am to stay aboard the Enterprise captain?" Olilla piped up.

The Vulcan viewed her blankly. "You are to captain the ship in my absence. Once the terms have been discussed I shall request further personnel to aid in the search."

Kirk half got to his feet. "Um…"

"I'll make sure enough officers are available captain." Olilla saluted. "We shall monitor the planet for orbiting shuttles and ships, and inform you of anything approaching or leaving."

"Very good." Spock turned to Kirk. "Ensign. With me."

He jumped up, a little more eagerly than he had meant to, and followed Spock into the lift. Things had been tense on the bridge after Olilla had threatened him. Kirk wasn't a coward, everyone knew that, and he had tried to talk to Spock just to spite the Uniton but it was difficult when he felt angry at the thought of him. The jealousy was getting stronger too. Olilla was always with him. Every time Kirk saw him, she was there, leaning into his arm, touching his hand, giggling at _something._

It was infuriating. Even after working with him for the past few days, Kirk felt sick with anger and hurt whenever he remembered what his friend had done. And yes he had started referring to him as his friend again (when the hell had that happened?) even though they hadn't even talked about what had happened at the trial. But now, now that they were finally alone, Kirk had the immense urge to smile at him and make a joke. He felt awkward, embarrassed, overwhelmed.

"Um…" He blushed deeply at his sudden incapability to string together words.

Spock turned his head and viewed him with one eyebrow raised.

Kirk cleared his throat and looked away again. _Damnit, damnit, damnit to hell Jim what are you doing you-_

"You are to accompany the ground team." Spock suddenly said, startling him out of his daze. "The ambassador will be satisfied to see you. He has already expressed his gratitude at your reinstatement. You will remain with the colony; you are not permitted to accompany the search party. These are Admiral Gordon's instructions."

"Oh err right. Okay." Kirk of course couldn't help feeling a little annoyed at this.

Spock raised his eyebrow higher. "This news saddens you." It wasn't a question.

"No. I'm on probation right?" He tried to laugh, but it didn't come. "Believe me; I'm surprised to even be back on the ship." And he held out a hand to touch the inside of the lift, feeling the Enterprise hum and smiling.

This seemed to have confused Spock. He was now staring down at him incredulously, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown. Kirk ignored him. It had become painful again. These past few days hadn't been sunshine and rainbows but he had been back with his crew, among his friends, and he still wasn't convinced he was awake. That white hot pang was back, worse than ever, and kirk had to hold his breath to stop himself from bursting into tears.

"I regret we have not had sufficient time to talk since your return." Spock said quietly. "I had wished to discuss with you-"

"Regret is a human emotion, _captain_." Kirk half-snapped, and he didn't look at him, actually taken aback by his own tone.

Spock was equally as startled. "I wished only to express my noticing your absence. Admittedly the Enterprise has been a different ship without you, and the crew have suffered at your loss."

_He was apologising. Oh God Jim don't freak out._

"Well we both know who's to blame, don't we?" Were the words his brain actually delivered. "Not my fault I was fired."

_What the bloody hell is wrong with you Jim, can't you see he's sorry? Just be grateful you're back and-_

"Your anger is understandable." Spock had composed himself, but his voice had an edge to it. "Thus being the reason I wished to converse with you. I cannot deny I felt remorse after the trial. A great amount of meditation was required before I felt capable enough to return to duty."

Kirk's eyes were tearing up now. The white hot pang was so painful he actually felt sick and he couldn't breathe properly. His chest had tightened and he needed to get out, and the second the lift opened he marched out onto the corridor beyond. He hadn't noticed where they had been going, since Spock had tapped the control pad, but Kirk saw his room and made a beeline for the door.

"Jim?" Spock called from behind him.

Kirk slammed shut the door and locked it, backing away until his legs hit the bed and he fell. There was something wrong with him. He had to be going insane. Why the hell was he acting this way? He should have accepted Spock's apology and patted his shoulder and laughed and everything would have been right again and the past three years would have seemed like a bad dream, but his mouth hadn't been listening to his heart. It had been listening to his brain, which had reminded him of Spock's betrayal. And now he was in a right mess.

He pressed his hands over his mouth and breathed deeply and heavily, fighting back the tears, trying to lessen the pain in his chest before he passed out from lack of oxygen. It took a little while. Kirk threw himself backwards onto his bed and closed his eyes, hoping to God that Spock wasn't still standing outside his room. Luckily though, the corridor was empty when he returned several minutes later, ready to leave for Xiino IV.

The team met on the pad and waited for Spock to arrive, bags packed for their stay with the colony, and suits packed in case they were required for the search. Xiino IV's atmosphere wasn't harmful to any of the crew, humans or aliens, but there were dangerous creatures and poisonous plants out there that could make the search difficult. It was a long and awkward send off, with Olilla shouting orders at anyone who crossed her path, including Scotty who was waiting to beam everyone down.

"Are you sure you have the right coordinates?" She snapped at him. "We don't want them ending up in a forest and having to walk for hours to meet the colony!"

They could all see Scotty was trying desperately not to scream at her. "Aye they're correct."

"They're correct, _what? _There should be a _first officer_ in there somewhere!" Olilla was leaning over him with her arms folded stiffly. "Seriously, I'm surprised you all lasted this long."

Kirk balled his hands into fists but Uhura gave him a warning glance.

"It's because _he's _back, isn't it?" Olilla had marched over to the pad and was now staring at Kirk hard. She growled. "I should have the lot of you suspended for misconduct."

"That will not be necessary Olilla." Came from a voice from the door, and they all looked to see that Spock had finally arrived. "Is the ambassador prepared for our arrival?"

Olilla saluted. "Yes captain! I double checked myself." She then sidled up to Spock and whispered something in his ear, her expression angry, but the Vulcan's eyes remained set and gave no evidence as to what they were discussing. They did both glance at Kirk several times though.

"That will be all Olilla." Spock eventually said, making his way onto the pad with his bag in his hands. "Mr Scott. Energise."

They reappeared on a very similar pad in a room that was all too familiar to Kirk. He could remember it from their visit last time. The Xiino colony lived in a city build from large yellow-orange bricks, very similar to sandstone, and although it wasn't a particularly hot or dry planet, a lot of the buildings were open. The transporter pad was located inside a large rectangular room with sandstone columns running down each side, a picturesque blue sky void of clouds above them, and standing in wait was a group of three men.

One of them was Ambassador Zurek, his grey skin wrinkled with age, but his brown eyes shining brightly at the prospect of help finding his daughter. He was dressed in deep red robes that flowed all the way to his bare feet. The Xiinos never worse shoes; their feet had developed a thick tough sole, and it was customary for guests to remove their shoes always. This was the first thing the ground team did when they stepped off the pad, and then Spock walked forward and offered Zurek the Vulcan salute.

"It is a pleasure to see you again Mr Spock." Zurek returned the salute, something he had learnt from their last visit, and then he looked past the Vulcan and directly at Kirk. "I really appreciate this."

"Starfleet is in your debt ambassador." Spock replied. "We shall assist you in any way possible. My team and I shall survey the situation and relate back to our ship, where officers are on standby to beam down. Mr Kirk has volunteered to remain by your side and operate the search from the colony."

Zurek looked past him again, and Kirk marched forward and took hold of the old man's hand. "We will find her." He said earnestly. "I promise. I will not rest until she is back by your side."

The ambassador smiled gently. "She still talks about you, you know; the 'pretty captain in the yellow shirt'. How long ago that was now."

Kirk tightened his grip on his hand and patted his shoulder. "Mr Spock will find her." He nodded. "He's fantastic. He really is."

_Shit god-damnit Jim. Way to go embarrass him…_

Spock looked unmoved however. "Ambassador Zurek, would you please inform me and my team as to the last whereabouts of your daughter?"

"Of course. Please. Accompany me to the garden." Zurek gave Kirk one last smile, and then led Spock and the team out of the building.

Uhura remained behind, folding her arms and giving Kirk a small smile. "Fantastic, hm?"

He pursed his lips. "Oh shut up. I was being nice to help Zurek."

"Oh really?" Uhura's smile widened. "I've been watching you these past couple of days. Did you know you stare at him sometimes? Just… for no reason."

Kirk looked horrified. "I do not!"

The woman didn't reply but walked off after the team with an all-knowing grin on her face, Kirk stared after her, his mouth open, his brain working furiously to remember any time he had looked at Spock. He could remember trying to think of things to say to him on the bridge, just to annoy Olilla, and maybe once or twice in the mess hall, and on passing him in the corridor. He blushed deeply, his anger and hurt evaporated and only embarrassment and something akin to butterflies in his stomach.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight – Off to a Bad Start

Ambassador Zurek's garden was where he held his councils. It was a vast sandstone courtyard overflowing with lush greenery and pink and orange flowers as big as dinner plates. There were trees bearing oranges and lemons, and fruit that only the Xiinos knew the name of, and there was a pond of golden water containing black and white fish. It was a tranquil place where the noise of the colony couldn't be heard, and directly in the centre there was a round sandstone platform surrounded by columns and filled with wooden chairs.

This was where the ground team and Zurek settled themselves.

"My daughter has been missing for eleven days." The ambassador started. "I know she was taken. She did not run away. She was kidnapped. And I know this because of the mud."

"Mud?" Uhura cut in, before she could stop herself.

Zurek nodded. "There is no mud in these parts. We are sand and green. But 131 miles to the west there are the Mud Hills. They are a treacherous place. Uninhabitable. There is no water. No plant life. Only rock and mud and quicksand. When I entered by daughter's quarters eleven days ago, there was mud everywhere."

Spock seemed to be considering this information very carefully. "It is apparent these Mud Hills are not as uninhabitable as you believe ambassador." He said. "Is there possibly an enemy that may wish harm to yourself or your daughter?"

"We have made many enemies Mr Spock. We are not a race without conflict." Replied the ambassador. "Neither are we confined to just one colony. This is our home city. There are many smaller cities all over the planet. Families leave and arrive daily."

"I would very much like to examine your daughter's room." Spock informed. "I wish to send samples of this mud to a science team, as there may be additional elements engrained into the substance."

"Of course." Zurek nodded, and he turned to one of the robed men who had greeted them with him. "This is my brother, Chikon. He is in charge of environmental studies here in the colony. He shall be able to aid you with this."

"Captain." Uhura cut in. "May I suggest organising teams and dividing them into shuttles to search the Mud Hills?"

"A decision I was considering myself Lieutenant." Spock almost smiled. "Ambassador Zurek. I shall relate to my ship and organise for a science team to beam down and assist your brother in analysing the mud samples. And I shall have my first officer divide teams into shuttles."

They all rose to their feet, and Ambassador Zurek held out his hand, which Spock surprisingly shook. "Mr Kirk will be assisting you?"

"No. Mr Kirk will be staying here with you, to monitor the situation from within the colony and by your side." Spock informed him.

Zurek didn't seem too happy about this. "I was hoping Mr Kirk would be out searching for my daughter. It is the reason I requested his reinstatement."

"Don't worry. I'm mighty good with maps and a radio." Kirk half-chuckled, patting the Xiino's arm comfortingly.

Spock was suddenly by his side. "Mr Kirk and I make an exceptional team ambassador. Please do not concern yourself with our methods."

They left the garden then and returned to the pad. Spock contacted Olilla and informed her of their decision, organising for Uhura, Carnell, Betha and McFranis to return to the Enterprise and be the leaders of four separate shuttle teams. While a science team examined Avita's room and the mud samples, the shuttles would all head to the Mud Hills, along with a fifth led by Spock. Kirk stood by silently watching the Vulcan work, only realising he was staring at him when Spock suddenly asked him if he was okay.

"Err y-yeah." He cleared his throat. "So I was thinking we could take it in turns on the fifth shuttle. You go out for a few hours, then I go out-"

"No." Spock's tone was commanding. "Admiral Gordon was very clear. I apologise Jim but you must remain with Ambassador Zurek or aboard the Enterprise." His eyes softened and he lowered his voice. "Your reinstatement was for this mission and this mission only. I would advise you to follow command to avoid further disgrace, and to avoid giving Starfleet further reason to prosecute you."

Kirk balled his hands into fists. "I want to help Spock." He snapped. "I can do this, you _know_ I can. You've seen me in action, you-"

"Jim. Do not press this. I… I am begging you. Do as you have been commanded, _please_."

They stared at each other for a long time after this. Spock's face was set but his eyes were positively human, heartfelt and desperate, and the sight broke Kirk's heart. He swallowed down that white hot pang and nodded.

"Okay." He whispered. "Okay, Spock, I'm… I'm sorry."

The Vulcan's jaw unclenched. "Gratitude."

As he turned towards the pad, Kirk reached out wildly, grabbing hold of the hem of his shirt and bringing Spock to a clumsy halt. He looked round with one eyebrow quirked, a rush of emotions flashing across his face – hope, suspense, intrigue, longing – and then he was blank.

"Um…" Kirk released him. "Be… be careful. Okay?"

Spock nodded. "I assure you, I am perfectly capable of directing a search party. I shall be in contact once we have reached the Mud Hills. Stand by to greet the science team."

With that Kirk was left on his own with Ambassador Zurek. They waited for the science team, who then all followed Chikon to Avita's room, and Kirk was taken to a room of his own. Like the rest of the building it was constructed out of sandstone, and there was no roof; just three walls, a wall of columns, a large bed of pillows, and a basin filled with the same golden water as in the garden. It was very open, but changing and washing were the last things on Kirk's mind.

He felt sick with worry. On their last visit to Xiino IV six years ago they had been warned never to go near the Mud Hills, and they had abided by this. Now Spock was flying into unknown territory with possible enemies of an unknown number, not knowing where or even if Avita would be there. It was just far too many variables for Kirk's liking. He placed his head in his hands and closed his eyes. If there was something he hated, it was waiting, and unlucky for Kirk, by the time news finally reached him, it wasn't what he was hoping for.

"_Kirk… it's Uhura..."_ Came the voice from the transmitter, and it was broken up and difficult to understand. _"Mud Hills… ambush… Xiino clan… shuttle two… destroyed… shuttle three… missing… Captain Spock… unknown…"_

He didn't need to hear anymore. Kirk was out of his room and running the city until he reached the pad, hammering at the controls until he got through to the Enterprise.

"Scotty! Beam me up now!"

"_Jim! I cannae do it. Olilla, she-"_

"God-damnit Scotty, just do it! NOW!"

There was a brief pause, and then swirls of gold circled his body and he was back upon the Enterprise within seconds. Kirk looked about for Scotty, but there was a flash and a screech and something connected with his throat. It took him completely by surprise and Kirk stumbled backwards before hitting the pad heavily, unable to speak or breathe. Olilla stood over him with hunched shoulders and balled fists, her face the picture of rage.

"Ensign Kirk!" She shouted. "You are in direct violation of your captain's orders!"

He coughed, choking, trying to speak and trying to get to his feet but the blow had rendered him temporarily useless.

"Someone get him off this pad." Olilla turned to face the room, where a small number of crew – including Scotty – were watching on in horror. "Get security, now!"

Two men in red arrived shortly after, giving Kirk apologetic looks before hauling him to his feet. Olilla folded her arms and narrowed her eyes, watching them drag him from the transporter room, and to her disgust, just as they reached the lift, Kirk ripped himself free.

"Your c-captain is m-missing!" He gasped, stumbling against the wall. "We n-need to g-go after him!"

"Ensign Kirk, we are waiting for the remaining shuttles to return." Olilla marched angrily towards him, jabbing him in the chest with a finger. "Only once they have returned will be know what happened, who attacked them, how many, and then _I _will decide which step to take next!"

"Y-you h-have to let me-"

"You have no right even being part of this conversation!" Olilla screamed. "You are an ensign! You are a disgrace to this crew! And I will not have you running off and getting yourself in trouble! Security, lock him up!"

Scotty stepped forward then, as though to help, but Olilla gave him such a look he immediately backed down in fear, and Kirk was dragged forcibly from the transporter room. He was taken to holding, shut up inside one of the large cells, and it was all he could do but pound on the glass and shout until his throat was raw and his voice shook. No one came to see him. An hour passed. Two hours. Kirk had no idea what was going on. He couldn't see or hear the comm, and the guards were nowhere in sight.

It seemed like forever until he finally heard footsteps. Kirk had resorted to sitting on the cell bed with his head in his hands, but he jumped to his feet at the sight of Uhura approaching the glass. She looked shaken, pale, a bandage about her head and her arm in a sling, but her expression was set.

"What is it? What's going on?" Kirk urged, practically pressing himself up against the glass, as though he would miraculously pass through it.

She swallowed and tilted up her chin. "There was an ambush waiting for us." She said flatly. "It seems as though the Mud Hills are being inhabited by a clan of Xiinos. Ambassador Zurek believes them to be exiles; led by Tomique, the Xiino who threatened his colony on our last visit six years ago."

Kirk nodded. He remembered Tomique. He had tried to overthrow Zurek and take over the planet, and they had help to stop him.

"Two of the five shuttles have returned." Uhura continued. "Olilla is petitioning for Ambassador Zurek to make contact with Tomique, to ask for his daughter and Spock back."

Kirk pounded on the glass heavily. "That's stupid! She's putting the ambassador in direct harm!"

"The ambassador has agreed to it Jim." Uhura did not sound happy. "There's nothing we can do."

"Let me out of here!" He pounded the glass once again. "I have to go! I have to find Spock. Come on Uhura! It's _Spock!_ I _have_ to go!"

She looked she was going to cry, and Uhura placed a trembling hand up against the glass. "I can't Jim, I… I'm sorry. I have to get back to Bones. I shouldn't even be here."

"Don't leave me in here Uhura!" Kirk was desperate now. "They'll kill him! Tomique will recognise him from last time and kill him without hesitation! I can't let that happen! I…"

He trailed off. What had he been about to say? I _need _him? He had very almost admitted something he hadn't even admitted to himself yet. Did he, James Tiberius Kirk, _need_ Spock? Had it taken this long for him to realise? Kirk couldn't deny he had had a certain fondness for the Vulcan after Khan, but had his anger at Spock's betrayal blinded him to what he really felt? Tears filled his eyes. He ripped himself away from the glass and sank to the floor.

_This couldn't be happening…_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine - Confrontation

It seemed Olilla was taking to her new role as acting captain exceptionally well. She hadn't been to visit Kirk once, but Scotty had and so had Bones and they both told him how the Uniton was parading about the bridge like the queen of the universe. Ambassador Zurek's meeting with Tomique was scheduled for later that day. The Enterprise had hailed the rebel clan and Olilla herself had spoken with Tomique, and surprisingly he had agreed to the meeting. Even more surprising, Spock was alive.

It was a relief when Kirk found out, of course it was, but the relief was quickly wiped away by the horror of what Spock would think of him disobeying orders to try and come after him. It was amazing how the past three years had shaken the bravado out of Kirk and replaced it with caution and uncertainty. Would Spock be angry with him, after pleading with him to do as he was told? Surely his actions were understandable. Spock was his friend after all.

Unlucky for Kirk he couldn't hide from the Vulcan, with him still being shut up behind glass. The minutes ticked away into hours, the evening drew nearer, and then eventually he heard Chekov over the comm announcing that "ze keptin is back on ze ship", and a feeling of dread overwhelmed Kirk. Spock was in front of his cell before Bones even had a chance to drag him off to the sickbay, looking beaten up but nevertheless unharmed, and he opened the cell with dark flashing eyes.

"Spock." Kirk breathed, stepping towards him.

The Vulcan narrowed his eyes. "Olilla has informed me of your misconduct." He said, his voice low. "While I find the notion of your loyalty touching, I cannot help be disappointed after I directly asked you to do as commanded."

_Shit. He was disappointed. That was much worse than angry._

Kirk jutted out his chin. "Fuck you." He said, before his brain even had time to string together a proper sentence. "You know what, I'm sick of trying to save your ass and getting shit in return."

Spock opened his mouth, but frowned, obviously taken aback.

"Forget it. I won't even bother in the future if this is how you're going to repay me." He threw up his hands and strode past him.

To his surprise, Spock took hold of his upper arm with a bone braking grip and brought him to a forcible halt, dragging him right up against him. The Vulcan looked positively _livid_ and it struck fear into the very heart of Kirk until he couldn't think straight anymore.

"Do not consider for one second that your loyalty means nothing to me." He hissed.

Kirk tried to pull himself free but the grip was too strong.

"I valued your friendship as highly as I valued my own life, and I have apologised to you for my actions." Spock continued, darkly. "I understand it will take time to rebuild the trust we once shared, but for now Jim you must let me protect you. You must do as I command."

"Let go of me!" Was the only reply Kirk could come up with.

Spock tightened his grip just for one second and then pushed him away, his eyes still flashing angrily but his face becoming calm. "Jim. Please forgive me. I regret I was not prepared enough for your return. My only wish is to protect you from any further disgrace."

"Well I don't need your help." Kirk snapped. "In case you've forgotten, it's your fault I'm in this mess, and I don't need you making this any harder than it already is."

"Jim, I-"

He shook his head. "No! You can't go acting all captain-y and then come out and apologise and hope everything will be the same as before! You missed me. You weren't prepared enough, whatever the hell that means. Well tough shit."

"Jim I understand you are still angry." Spock was trying very hard to control his tone now. "My actions were a betrayal to our friendship. But I have apologised."

Kirk didn't answer him, he couldn't anymore. He marched across the holding bay and went straight to the transporter room, demanding that Scotty beam him down to he could return to his room on Xiino IV. It was dark by the time he got there, and the open room was cold, but Kirk didn't plan on sleeping. He washed briefly in the basin and pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt, and then he strode from the room and through the city until he happened upon a bar. Bones would kill him for this, but Kirk didn't care anymore.

It was like no bar he had ever been in, as on their last visit to Xiino IV they hadn't explored the city too much. Like the rest of the buildings it was built from sandstone and open, without a roof, but there were candles in different coloured glass jars and a band playing lively music in the corner, and people were dancing incredibly erotically. Kirk threw himself onto a stool and the bar and examined the row of unfamiliar drinks lined up against the wall.

"What can I get you?" Said a voice from his side.

Kirk turned and viewed the barmaid, who was a very pretty young Xiino. Her skin had a slight violet tint to it, as a lot of the younger race did, and her hair was short and shockingly red, as were the large eyes that swept up and down him once. She smiled, her face lighting up.

"Are you… Captain James Kirk?" She asked, leaning across the bar.

He smirked. "It's just Jim now."

"I'm Kara." And she held out her hand. "I heard about your mission. Tomique will do anything to get what he wants. Do you have any news on Avita yet?"

Kirk shook his head. "If it's okay with you Kara… I just want to drink right now."

"I know the perfect thing." Kara grinned, skipping off behind the bar and coming back with two shot glasses and a bottle of violently orange liquid that was thick and gloopy when she poured it out. "On me." Kara held up one of the glasses to her own lips.

He didn't even bother asking what it was. Kirk downed it in one, immediately pulling a face. It had an odd flowery taste to it, followed immediately by a bitterness that went straight to his head and made the entire bar spin. Kara giggled and poured him out another one.

"Good isn't it? It might be a bit strong for humans, so I wouldn't drink too many." She said. "Shall I get you a glass of wine?"

Kirk shook his head, downing the second shot. "Keep these coming. And a whiskey. Neat."

It wasn't surprising that after only three shots of the strange orange drink Kirk was, well there was no other way to put it, he was off his face. Kara then served him his requested whiskey and for the rest of the night everything was a blur of clumsy dancing and loud music and throwing up in the toilet and soft hands that were warm and gentle. Kirk woke up feeling like he'd died. His whole body ached and he was cold and trembling and there was that white hot pang in the pit of his stomach and immediately he heaved over the side of the bed.

It was then Kirk realised he was not alone. Someone had brought a chair into his room and put it by the side of the bed, and sitting in it was Spock. He was fast asleep, or at least he appeared to be, as his eyes were closed and his head was tilted to one side. Kirk couldn't take his eyes off him. This was the first time he had seen him asleep, and he looked… _adorable_. Was that word even acceptable to use for the Vulcan? Spock was cold, deadly, efficient and infuriating. Not _adorable._

But Kirk couldn't deny there was a certain innocence about Spock as he slept. His usually neat hair was ruffled slightly, and he wasn't wearing his uniform, but dark trousers and a grey knitted jumper that looked far too big for him. Kirk had never seen him in anything other than his uniform or traditional Vulcan robes. He had to still be dreaming. Kirk closed his eyes, released a groan, and flopped back down onto the bed, and immediately Spock was on his feet.

"Jim?" He whispered. "Have you regained consciousness?"

A low groan was all he could muster in response.

"I have prepared a glass of water, as I deducted you may need one on awakening." Spock went on, moving to pick up the glass in question.

Kirk waved a hand at him. "I d-don't… need… y-you… to…"

"On the contrary, I believe at this precise moment you do need me." The Vulcan answered matter-of-factly, and there was a hint of mirth in his tone. "Last night you managed to inebriate your body to such a degree that you very almost walked over the side of a cliff. I fear if I had not come in sufficient enough time, you would have succeeded in killing yourself."

Kirk stared up at him, frowning, realising he now owed Spock his life. Again.

"I understand that our friendship is terminated Jim, however I could not reach the desired state of meditation until I had resolved the way in which we parted yesterday." Spock continued, stiffly, as though this was difficult for him. "I have already offered my apology. It was rejected. I can do no more but to look out for you as I always have. I wish to-"

"Oh stop it." Kirk whispered, half smiling. "I forgive you, okay? I was just being an idiot."

Spock frowned. "Idiocy is a trait you do not possess Jim. Quite the opposite. While you may be sometimes be foolish, you are incredibly clever and courageous and-"

"Alright, alright. Way to embarrass a girl." Kirk cut across him again, causing a deeper frown to appear on the Vulcan' face. "Just forget about it. Don't you have a ship to captain?"

Spock composed himself and rose to his feet. "Indeed. During my brief imprisonment yesterday, I was unable to determine whether Avita was being held by the rebel clan. A new strategy must be devised with Ambassador Zurek. Things will be much harder now that Tomique knows of our intentions."

Kirk was only half listening. He had drifted into a state of tranquil, despite how wracked his body felt, and though he wasn't ready to admit it yet Kirk knew it was listening to the sound of Spock's voice that calmed him. The Vulcan stared down at him for a long time, observing the way Kirk's eyelids fluttered every now and then, how his chest rose steadily and evenly, and then he placed a hand to the man's forehead, and left without another word.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten – A New Plan

_It was cold, far colder than Kirk could remember Xiino IV ever being, but he was definitely still on the planet. How he knew this, he had no idea; because he couldn't see any plant life, any sandstones buildings, or any people. Kirk came to the conclusion that he was in the Mud Hills, even though he had no idea what they looked like. All around him for miles on end was burnt red rock, stretching high like jagged cliffs, and in some places falling away to reveal chasms so deep there was nothing but black, and it was all caked in thick sticky red mud._

_It covered Kirk's boots and trousers and made it hard to walk, and the cold wasn't helping because it was hardening the mud. In the end he threw himself down and looked about for anything of use. He was wearing his Starfleet uniform, yellow shirt and captain's stripes and all but he didn't have a phaser or any other kind of helpful object, and it made no sense because one minute he had been falling asleep to the sound of Spock's voice and now he was here._

_Ah. He had to be dreaming._

_Surely then Kirk could manipulate this to his advantage? He closed his eyes. Maybe a nice warm bed, a plate of bacon and eggs, the smell of coffee brewing and coming downstairs to the sight of-_

_Something moved. Kirk jumped to his feet and spun about but he could see nothing in the shadowy chasms of rock. Was there some horrific creature that inhabited the Mud Hills? Or was it the rebel clan led by Tomique who had attacked their shuttles and kidnapped Spock and Avita? Kirk called out for anyone there to show their face, but nothing happened. Balling his hands and squaring his shoulders, Kirk spun around one last time before taking a step forward, and he fell._

_Everything went black and all he could feel was the cold air rushing by him as he plummeted downwards, getting colder and colder, faster and faster, until tiny balls of light flickered in view far below him. Even though Kirk knew this was a dream (he hoped to God this was a dream) he felt a rising panic that he was going to die. The lights became brighter, illuminating make-shift tents and shacks and what appeared to be some kind of underground city. Of course. That was why Spock hadn't seen Avita during his capture._

Kirk opened his eyes and sat up with a strangled yell. It was night again, the sky above him a deep purple-blue, and it was cool and there was a breeze. Sweat clung to Kirk's body and he suddenly felt light-headed and sick, although he wasn't too sure whether he was still hungover or not. Spock hadn't returned to his room. Kirk was glad of this. He didn't need his friend seeing him in such a state, he would alert Bones and everyone would make a fuss even though it had just been a dream.

It had felt so real though. And could it be true? Was there a secret city under the Mud Hills that no one knows about? There was only one way to find out. Kirk quickly washed and dressed, pulling on his Starfleet uniform, before striding to the transported room.

"Kirk to Enterprise. Do you read me? I need to speak with Captain Spock."

There was a pause, and then-

"_This is First Officer Olilla. What the hell do you want ensign."_

Kirk ground his teeth. "Where's Spock?"

"_He's off-duty. So if you have something to say, you can damn well say it to me."_

He drew a deep breath and tried to calm himself, holding back a string of abuse that he was sure would get him locked up again. "I have reason to believe there may be a city beneath the Mud Hills. It would explain why Spock didn't see Avita anywhere during his capture."

There was a long silence after this. Kirk waited patiently, trying to think of some way of getting Olilla to let him help.

"First Officer." He started, putting on what had once been his 'captain voice'. "As you know from my work aboard the Enterprise since my reinstatement, I am exceptionally good at reading the scanners and determining whether or not something is worth analysing. I have on one or two occasions picked up on blibs that no one else has. I request permission to circle over the Mud Hills, out of reach of the rebel clan, but close enough to read whether there is activity beneath the surface."

"_Denied." _She said without even thinking. _"If you expect me to put you in charge of anything, then you have another thing coming Ensign Kirk."_

He closed his eyes. "It is as good a plan as any."

"_Oh enough will you. You need to start learning your place Kirk; you are not captain anymore, you are not even first officer or a lieutenant, so stop thinking you can come up with plans and everyone will do as you say. Your orders are to remain in the colony with Ambassador Zurek, and God-damnit, that is exactly what you are going to do! Over and out."_

Kirk threw his arms into the air and marched from the transported room. He couldn't just sit around and do nothing while his crew risked their lives. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to any of them. Well unless it was Olilla, but that was a different matter. Kirk didn't stop until he reached Chikon's quarters. The ambassador's brother and still working with the science team on the mud samples they had taken from Avita's room.

"Mr Chikon." He greeted him with a smile and a handshake. "How goes your work here? Is there anything I can do help?"

"It is most strange Mr Kirk." The Xiino replied.

Kirk noticed then that Chikon looked very similar to his brother, with only a slight difference. He had the same wrinkled grey skin and large brown eyes, but his hair was still slightly black, whereas Zurek's was completely grey.

"Strange?"

He nodded. "Samples previously collected from the Mud Hills were very dry. They were exposed to the elements and therefore flaky and easy to crumble. The mud samples we found in Avita's room are of a different consistency. It is almost as though they had access to water. They are nearer clay."

Kirk couldn't help feel excited by this news. "Mr Chikon, is it possible that this mud may have come from beneath the surface? Surely if you dig deep enough you'll find water, even in the Mud Hills?"

"I have never considered it." Chikon seemed surprise. "Are you suggesting Tomique has found a way of surviving in the Mud Hills? By living underground?"

Kirk shrugged. "You tell me."

"This changes everything Mr Kirk." Chikon put down the sample he had been holding. "We must tell my brother immediately. If what you say is true, then I believe I know how Tomique had accomplished this."

They left the room together, walking in long fast strides through the city until they reached the large complex of sandstones buildings that was the ambassador's home. Zurek was not asleep, despite it being the middle of the night. He was standing in Avita's room looking out over the city, his hands gathered in front of him clutched a ragdoll that Kirk recognised from his last visit. Avita used to carry it around with her everywhere, even at eleven years old.

"Brother." Chikon announced gently.

The ambassador turned and forced a smile when he saw them. "Chikon. Mr Kirk. What can I do for you?"

"The samples of mud from Avita's room suggest they have had access to water." Chikon started, quickly, as though he couldn't get it all out fast enough. "Zurek, they came from underground, where water is accessible, even in the Mud Hills! We believe that is how Tomique is surviving, and where Avita may be being held."

Zurek's eyes had widened at this news. "The mines…" He whispered.

Kirk almost fell over in shock. "Mines? Wait, there are mines under the Mud Hills?"

"No." Chikon replied. "They are under the city, but it is possible that during the six years in which Tomique has been exiled, that he may have extended them. It is the only possible explanation."

"We have to get down there immediately!" Kirk exclaimed. "Chikon, could you direct me to the entrance of the mines?"

"You can't go down there; Tomique will have the tunnels guarded, surely." Ambassador Zurek warned, stepping towards him.

Kirk, however, grinned. "He'll have them guarded against an army. Against an attack. Not against just one person. If we send just one person down there, they may be able to slip into the city and search for Avita. Even if they can't get her out, they could get back to us and tell us exactly where she is."

"This is a solid plan, brother." Chikon nodded.

Zurek still seemed unsure. "But who will go? One of my men? Or one of yours Mr Kirk?"

Kirk thought long and hard about this. Three years ago he would have volunteered himself within a heartbeat, and he wanted to now, but what would Spock think? Technically Kirk had informed Olilla about Tomique being underground, and technically Kirk would still be in the colony if the mines ran beneath the city. Would going down the mines himself still count as disobeying orders? He couldn't just stand by though. By the time he got back to the transporter room and called the Enterprise, and they organised for someone to come down, it could be morning and they would have lost precious hours. No, there was only one thing to do.

"I'll go." He nodded with determination. "It makes perfect sense. Chikon can take me to the mines, while you ambassador call the Enterprise and tell them everything we have discovered."

"I agree with Mr Kirk, brother." Chikon chipped in. "At least this way we can discover where Avita is being held."

The ambassador balled his hands into fists, and then he nodded. "Okay. I shall send for someone to prepare supplies for you Mr Kirk. Water, food, blankets, weapons."

Before Kirk knew it he was changing out of his uniform into some of his ordinary clothes - cargo trousers and a t-shirt and jacket - and then he was being handed a bag, a knife and a gun. Ambassador Zurek blessed him with not only a handshake but also an embrace, and then Kirk was being led through the city by Chikon, his mind on only one thing. _Spock_. Would Olilla call him on learning what Kirk had done? Was Spock back on duty now? He couldn't think about that because he knew he was doing the right thing. Ambassador Zurek had asked for him to be reinstated so he could he, and God-damnit he was going to help. Kirk had made a promise. He had to get Avita back.

The entrance of the mines was on the other side of the city, and it took a long time to walk there. Kirk was mostly silent, but Chikon told him everything that had been packed in his bag, including a comms device and a torchula, which was a small rounded planet that glowed like a light. The mention reminded Kirk of his dream, and spurred him onwards. He had to be right about this. He just had to be. Chikon also told him there was a rough map of the mines in his bag, and to take careful note of it and to watch out for new paths or blocked tunnels. There was no knowing what Tomique had done to the place.

"This is the entrance." Chikon said eventually, coming to a halt outside a large round black tunnel. It was blocked off with wooden plants, signs announcing its danger to the world. Chikon pulled at the wood until it came off, and then took a step backwards. "Good luck to you Mr Kirk, and remember that we are forever in your debt for this. If you run into any trouble, do not hesitate to contact us. Be aware though that the comms device may not work in the deeper tunnels."

"I'm sure I'll manage." Kirk grinned cockily, feeling more confident that he had done in three years. "Get back to your brother. No doubt Spock will want to talk to you when he beams down."

With that he pulled the torchula out from his bag and stepped into the darkness, almost immediately choking at the close humid air that was thick with dust.


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow so many reviews! Thank you everyone for all your support and feedback! It seriously means so much to me.**

**We have lots of plot in this chapter so enjoy ^_^**

* * *

Chapter Eleven – I Found the Princess

As Kirk made his way deeper and deeper underground the air gradually became cool, and then so cold his breath streamed out in front of him. It became closer too and breathing became harder, to the point that Kirk had to sit down and rest every so often. The mines were an elaborate maze of tunnels that twisted this way and that, some large enough to fit a shuttle down, and some so small he had to get onto his hands and knees. It was terrifying, even for Kirk.

He was very grateful for the torchula. Its light was golden, but small, but enough for Kirk to see the ground at his feet and the roof overhead and that was enough to keep him going. He thought about Spock. He had no concept of time in the mines, so Kirk wasn't sure if he had been walking for minutes or hours or if it was morning already. Would Spock be on duty again? Would Olilla have woken him, if she had still been on duty?

These questions were answered a few hours later. Kirk had sat down to rest and drink, the lack of air making him light-headed, when he heard the comms device go off in his bag. Kirk scrambled to get it out. The signal was incredibly weak, and he could only just make out what was being said above all the static.

"_Kir… come in… ock… here..."_

Panic swelled up inside him. "Hey Spock."

"…_ust turn around… order… get you… now…"_

He shook his head. "I can't hear you Spock. You're breaking up."

"_Turn arou… you… back… too danger-"_

There was a high-pitched sound and Kirk flinched, pulling his head away from the comm, just as it went dead. Part of him was glad. Spock sounded angry, and just a little bit desperate, but he couldn't turn around now. What would have been the point of coming into the mines if he was just going to give up? Kirk got to his feet and drew a deep steadying breath, holding the torchula out in front of him.

Since he had no way of telling the time, Kirk had no idea how long it took him before he started to see lights and hear voices. What he did know however was that he had long ran out of food and water, and he was incredibly tired and his whole body ached. He had tried to take breaks and to sleep, but the cold and the air made it difficult. Kirk wanted nothing more to reach the city and find something to quench his thirst.

He was determined though. The voices belonged to a pair of Xiinos who were standing around a corner, in the middle of one of the larger tunnels, kitted out with weapons but not heavily armoured. Kirk was sure he could take them. He pulled his gun from his belt and set it to 'stun', jumping about the corner and firing one shot at each Xiino. Without a sound, they both felt down, and Kirk breathed a sigh and closed his eyes. It hadn't exactly been a momentous battle, but it had been three years since he had fired a weapon and the experience had made him feel a little sick.

Unfortunately though he didn't get much of a chance to relax, because five minutes later he heard more voices getting gradually closer and Kirk had to find somewhere to hide. He crept back to one of the corners and stood behind it, peering out every now and then as two more Xiinos discovered the stunned guards, shouting and drawing their weapons in panic. Kirk was just about to take them out too when something heavy connected with the back of his head.

X

Something was different when he next awoke, because the air was fresher and easier to breathe. The first thing Kirk did was gasp and choke and he rolled onto his front trying to get as much oxygen into his lungs as possible. Only then could he examine his surroundings. He was in some sort of prison, but it was hard to tell because it was simply a wooden shack with bars for a door, which was covered over with a dirty sheet. There were dirty sheets beneath him too, as though as a bed, and a bowl with water in it. Kirk scooped it up to his lips, just as he realised something else moving in the cage.

"Captain?" It was a familiar voice, if not quiet and weak.

Kirk spun about. Sitting in the corner was Avita. At least, he thought it was Avita. Instead of the purple faced purple haired little girl he remembered, he now saw an extraordinarily pretty Xiino, with an oval freckled violet face and hair that was wavy and reached right down to the pair of breasts that had definitely not been there before. Kirk blushed, despite their situation, but as he opened his mouth to speak Avita scrambled from her corner and threw herself into his arms.

"You are really here!" She cried, and Kirk could feel her shaking. "I cannot believe it!"

Avita then took hold of his face with both hands and kissed him all over, his cheeks, his forehead, his nose, his chin, and he only just managed to pull away before she reached his lips.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He looked her up and down. "You err… you're all grown up…"

The girl wrinkled her nose and laughed. "I am fine. They have not hurt me." And then she threw herself at him again. "What are you doing here? I had never expected to see you again!"

"Well err y-your father…" Kirk cleared his throat.

_Damnit Jim, you're in a cell, captured by rebels, this is not the time to think about breasts pressing up against you and how good they feel-_

"Are you here to take me home?" Avita pulled away from him and sat back on her heels. "Your head! You are bleeding!"

He held up a hand and touched the back of his head, where his hair was matted and wet with blood. It didn't feel like a bad wound, but he now realised his head was pounding. He forced a smile and took hold of Avita's hands.

"We have to get out of here." He said, looking at the door. "Where are we?"

Kirk moved to lift up the dirty sheet covering the bars, and instantly there was growling and snarling and he caught a glimpse of gnashing yellow teeth and dark brown fur and he backed away.

"The cells are being guarded by lokien." Avita said sadly. "They are wild beasts, very similar to Earth's wolves, but bigger in size. They listen only to their master."

His heart sank. This was not good. Kirk started to search his person, checking his belt and his pockets, but everything had been taken from him. He had only his clothes and his bare hands to help him and he was locked in a cell guarded by alien wolves. He ran a hand over his face and gave Avita a small sad smile.

"Don't worry." He said, sounding more confident than he felt. "The Enterprise is here. We're all helping your father. Spock will think of something. He'll figure out what happened after I don't communicate with them."

Avita grinned back and placed a hand on his leg. "You really came all this way to save me? After all this time? You are my knight in shining armour Captain Kirk."

He bushed again and laughed. "I found the princess." He said. "And just call me Jim."

The girl nodded, once again wrinkling her nose in a way that was undeniably cute, and then she settled herself beside him and she talked. Kirk only half-listened. He needed to think. Avita told him about the kidnapping, how she had been asleep in her room when cloaked men had grabbed her and carried her off and how she had been in this cell ever since. Her shoulder's shook as she spoke with evident fright, and Kirk wrapped a comforting arm about her and held her close.

Several hours passed before they heard anything other than the scuffling and growling of the lokien. Avita had long ago fallen asleep across Kirk's lap and he had taken to stroking her long purple hair while he tried to think of a way to get free. His thoughts were interrupted by a growl and then a voice, ordering the beast away, and the dirty sheet was pulled to one side and light poured in. Kirk blinked and held a hand up to his face.

"So it is you." A voice snarled.

Kirk ground his teeth. "Tomique, you bastard." He snapped.

The man standing on the other side of the bars threw back his head and cackled. He had once been a well-built Xiino, but exile had not been kind. Tomique's skin was now thin and stretched over his bones, giving him a very skeletal appearance, and his once blond hair was now grey and shaggy and unkempt.

"It's good to see you too Mr Kirk." Tomique crouched down and tilted his head to look at Avita. "She's become quite beautiful, no?"

Kirk instinctively placed a hand to Avita's arm and held on tightly. Luckily it didn't wake her.

"I could hardly believe it when I saw your ships the other day Mr Kirk." Tomique continued, his dry voice thick with delight. "And when I happened upon Mr Spock. You know I agreed to Zurek's meeting and gave you back your Vulcan, because I knew it was only a matter of time before you wondered across my path."

"And what exactly is the point of all this?" Kirk hissed. "Is it me you want? If it is then just let Avita go home!"

The Xiino threw back his head and cackled again. "Release her? You have no idea what is going on here, do you Mr Kirk?" He inched closer. "Avita here is not a bargaining chip. Neither is she bait. Avita is the distraction. While you guys are all frantically trying to save her, my partner is up there." Tomique pointed.

Panic washed over Kirk. "What the hell is going on?" He snapped, holding Avita tighter and actually waking her this time. "Who is your partner? Who are you working with?"

"What is going on?" Avita whispered sleepily, her voice shaking slightly.

Tomique gave her a wicked grin and winked, before standing up and letting the dirty sheet fall back over the bars. Kirk was on his knees within seconds, taking hold of them and shaking them, shouting for the Xiino to come back. Only growling answered him and eventually Kirk sank backwards. Avita clutched at his face, trying to get him to look at her, and then she clutched him to her breast with a small sad sob.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve - Betrayal

Kirk didn't sleep that night. He was hungry and achy and his head was pounding worse than before but all they received was fresh water. Avita tried to help by cleaning the wound and talking to him but in all honesty Kirk was feeling incredibly sorry for himself. He'd hoped that he'd be able to sneak into the city, find Avita, and sneak back out again, perhaps save her, and he would be the hero again and Starfleet would want him back. Now he was just a screw up who needed his ass saving and there was no way Spock was going to be happy with him. It was all a mess.

Several days passed before Tomique came to see them again, by which point neither Kirk nor Avita had strength to move, let alone stand. They were dragged roughly from the cell and out into a large cave with a high domed ceiling of jagged rock. At opposite ends there were black tunnels, and the cave seemed to be filled with only more make-shift cells of wood and bars and a thin river of dirty water, and Kirk finally got a first look at the lokiens.

To say they were horrific was an understatement. The lokiens were twice the size of any wolf, with brown or dark grey fur, row upon row of drooling yellow fangs, and piercing red eyes that seemed to look into your very soul. Kirk trembled at the sight of them and his fear actually brought tears to his eyes, but he was too weak to even think about doing anything.

They were dragged down one of the tunnels, momentarily swallowed up by the darkness, and then there was a roar of mixed cheering and booing and they entered what appeared to be an arena. It was a much larger cave, the ceiling so high the light didn't quite reach it, and in the very centre there was a round enclosed space with seats looking in from above. Tomique climbed to the very top and sat in what reminded Kirk of a throne, because it was bigger and high up that everything else, and the man held out a hand and everyone fell silent.

"My dear followers." Tomique started, his voice filled with enjoyment. "I bring before you the famous captain; James Tiberius Kirk!"

There was an even louder mix of cheers and boos. Avita was dragged up beside Tomique and Kirk was forced into the centre of the arena and left alone. This did not bode well. He was having an incredibly difficult time keeping on his feet. If this truly was an arena, what was Tomique about to throw at him? Kirk was sure he wouldn't be able to survive a fight.

"Some of you may remember the captain's part in our exile." Tomique continued, once the noise had died down. "And now he has happened upon our home, and I say we make him pay!"

Kirk balled his hands and looked about at the crowd. A lot must have happened in six years because there were more Xiinos than he could count, and there were females and children too, and he wondered what kind of lies Tomique had fed everyone. The leader stared down at him with a wicked grin on his face, a glint in his eyes that Kirk didn't like, and then a sound from behind him caught his attention. It was a long low grown that had become all too familiar over the past few days. Kirk felt his heart leap into his throat. Part of the enclosure had been opened and a Xiino had entered with a lokien on a chain. The beast was thrashing about wildly, drool splaying this way and that, its teeth gnashing and its claws digging into the mud.

"If you can survive ten minutes Captain Kirk." Tomique called from above him, and some sort of wooden club was thrown down into the arena. "Then you shall have a meal tonight. If you die, know I will send your mangled corpse to that Vulcan you call friend."

Kirk stooped to pick up the club, his already weak body very nearly toppling over, and then the lokien was released and the Xiino closed the arena behind him. The beast came straight at him. It was incredibly fast and incredibly powerful and Kirk swung the club as hard as he physically could. It connected with the lokien's jaw with a horrible sound, but the beast wasn't even fazed. It just snarled at him and took hold of the club and shattered it into a million splinters with its teeth. All he could do was run then, and luckily the beast was unprepared for this because as Kirk dived out of harm's way the lokien ran straight into the enclosure and slid to the ground.

"This is madness!" Avita screamed, trying desperately to escape from her seat, but Tomique had taken hold of her and was forcing her to watch.

"Seven minutes left Captain Kirk." He shouted, above the crowd.

Kirk wasn't listening. He was trying too hard not to fall over, willing his legs to stop their buckling and not give out beneath him. The lokien came at him again, and again and again, until finally Kirk was just a second too late and he was knocked to the ground. He held out his arms to protect him; there was nothing more he could do, and the jaws clamped down about his wrist so hard there was the sickening sound of bones crunching. Kirk screamed. He had never screamed so loudly before in his life.

Claws ripped at his chest and stomach, leaving behind deep wounds and shredded flesh, and then from somewhere there was a whistle and the lokien reluctantly released Kirk's wrist and backed away, back to its master. Everything went blindingly white. Kirk screwed up his face and tried to move but everything was pain. Everything was burning. Everything was going cold. He felt sick and wet and he didn't even hear the cheers anymore, or feel the hands that rolled him roughly on to a stretcher and carried him out of the cave.

X

Kirk was back in his cell with Avita when he next opened his eyes, and the first thing he noticed was that he was _alive. _His body felt cold and numb though, and all he could do was release a groan and tilt his head. Avita was beside him within seconds, gently clutching at his face before lifting it up and placing a bowl of water to his lips. It was warm and dirty, but the liquid helped his dry throat and Kirk drank hungrily until it made his choke and cough.

"Shh, careful." Avita whispered, her voice strained.

He closed his eyes tightly and tried to move again.

"I would not do that." Avita placed a hand to his cheek. "The men patched you up, but you are badly wounded."

Kirk looked down at his body. He was dressed only in his trousers, which were caked in blood and mud, and the deep claw wounds on his stomach and chest had been cleaned and covered with what appeared to be some kind of plant. The dark green substance was wet and chewed up, but there was no swelling or redness to the wounds despite them not having been made. There was a bandage about his shattered wrist too, but it wasn't doing very much to support it, and as Kirk tried to move his fingers there was a jolt of pain straight up his arm and he cried out.

"Would you like some food?" Avita offered, holding up a plate.

It seemed that regardless of everything, Tomique had kept his promise, because they had with them strange looking roasted fish and doughy rolls similar to bread. Avita moved to sit down comfortable and pulled Kirk's head into her lap so it was raised, and then slowly she fed him, small piece by small piece. He felt a little better after that, but the pain was still there, and as Kirk used his healthy hand to feel the wounds on his chest, tears filled his eyes.

"I-I…" He swallowed. "Sp… Spo…"

A sad expression came over Avita's face. "Spock is not here, I am sorry." And she bent down to kiss his forehead.

Kirk closed his eyes and made a small appreciative sound, allowing himself to enjoy her company since there was nothing more he could do right now. Avita's lips were soft and warm and the way she was stroking his cheek was soothing, and every time she bent down to kiss him her breasts got just that little bit closer to his face. Kirk blushed deeply at the thoughts running through his head, and tried to think of what Spock might be doing instead.

He was amazed that Spock hadn't come after him yet; sent a team down the mines after him or tried to get into contact with Tomique. And who was his partner? Who was working behind the scenes? And what was Tomique's overall plan if it wasn't simply to kidnap Avita? Nothing made sense anymore, and Kirk wanted to sleep. He wanted to drift into nothingness and not wake up until he was back aboard the Enterprise in his bed.

Avita was suddenly shaking him out of his daze and Kirk looked up to see two guards standing by the barred door, which was being held wide open. One of the guards had a lokien on a chain, and though it was sitting quite still, Kirk felt his whole body react in fear.

"Get up." The other guard ordered gruffly. "There's someone here to see you."

It took a tremendous amount of effort to sit up and then stand up and leave the cell, and Avita bless her had to take most of Kirk's weight. It was the first time he was actually glad of having lost so much during his three years ago, but the girl still struggled. The two of them limped slowly after the guards, down the tunnel and back to the arena, where a small crowd had gathered made up mostly of armed guards. Tomique was sat up in his throne, and he viewed them sourly.

"I am glad to see you have not yet died." He said, but his expression suggested otherwise. "I have called you here because you have a visitor."

He held out a hand, and Kirk and Avita turned around to see Olilla. The Uniton was standing amid the crowd in a suit with her arms folded and a non-too-happy expression upon her face, and as Kirk stared at her in disbelief, she narrowed her eyes.

"I believe you are already acquainted." Tomique laughed suddenly. "Your first officer has come to me with a very interesting offer indeed."

Kirk shook his head, taking a small step towards her, but the action proved too much for his body and he slithered to the floor by Avita's side.

"If I let you two go free, Olilla here is willing to supply my men with the weapons we require to overthrow Zurek's reign and take the colony for ourselves." Tomique said. "It wasn't the original plan, but who am I to turn down free weapons?"

Kirk could hardly believe his ears. He stared across at Olilla, pleading with her to tell him this wasn't true, but she had eyes only for Tomique. The Xiino got up from his throne and jumped down into the arena, striding past Avita and Kirk and walking straight up to Olilla, standing so close to her they were almost touching. The first officer didn't move.

"I shall give you one of them." He threw a hand behind him, his voice suddenly low and snarling. "Take one of them and go before I change my mind, and I expect to see my weapons at the entrance of the mind within three hours."

Olilla didn't even flinch. She approached the pair and immediately took hold of Avita's arm, but the Xiino shook her off with such ferocity everyone looking on was surprised.

"Take him." She ordered. "He needs medical attention."

Olilla looked like she was going to explode. "You are the mission! I am taking-"

"No!" Avita snapped. "Tomique will not hurt me; he has not already. If Kirk remains behind there is no knowing what Tomique will do to him. He will die. Of this I am certain."

There was a moment of uncertainty in Olilla's eyes, and then without another word she took hold of Kirk's arm and hauled it about her shoulders, leading him through the crowd and out of the cave via one of the tunnels. Kirk fought with all his strength to be released, to go back and have Avita freed instead, but in the end it was too much for him and everything went black.


	13. Chapter 13

**Oooooh the realisation! I apologise it's taken so long for Jim to see the truth**

**What will Spock do when Jim asks him about it? ;)**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen - Realisation

Everything was blinding white when Kirk next opened his eyes and he was sure he had died and gone to Heaven, until Bones leant over him and jabbed a hypospray into his neck. He groaned and screwed up his face at the brief pain, but then relaxed as his body started to ease. Kirk raised his uninjured hand to his head and rubbed it, before looking up at his friend. Neither of them smiled.

"I don't know what the hell that green stuff was, but it's done wonders on your wounds." Bones said, tapping at a PADD. "There's no infection. I've stitched them all up and bandaged them and you'll be fine in a few days. The same can't be said for your wrist though. I had to re-set almost all your bones."

Kirk looked down at the wrist in question. It felt incredibly heavy and had a plaster cast about it.

"I'll keep checking up on it, and hopefully it won't be too long until I can take the pins out." Bones finished, folding his arms and raising his eyebrows. "How you feeling?"

"Urgh… like hell." Kirk moaned, and then he remembered how he had got here. "Avita! Olilla!"

He sat up far quicker than he should have, creasing and crying out in pain, and Bones had to wrestle him to get him back to lie down and a nurse even ran in to see what was going on.

"God-damnit man, you'll re-open your wounds!" Bones yelled, as the nurse fumbled to load a sedative into a hypospray.

"Where the hell is she? She should have taken Avita! That was the mission!" Kirk shouted. "She should have taken Avita and left me there and-"

"Doctor McCoy. What seems to be the problem?"

They all looked up to see Spock standing at the door. Kirk felt his insides melt because even though the Vulcan's expression was stone, his eyes were flashing with anger. He didn't look at Kirk, turning from Bones to the nurse and back again.

"He's only just woken up. Give him a moment!" Bones snapped.

Spock raised one eyebrow. "I requested that you informed me of his arousal immediately doctor."

Kirk cringed at his use of wording and gave Bones a shove with his good hand, trying to swing his legs over the side of the bed. "Whose idea was it to give the rebels guns?" He snapped, as Bones wrapped an arm about his chest in attempt to get him back on the bed. "We were fine, and now they-"

"You are not fine!" Bones shouted. "Damnit man, lay the hell down or I'll make you lay down!"

He held out a hand to the nurse, who gave him the sedative before backing away, and immediately Kirk froze and slumped back down on to the bed. His body hurt worse than before now and a light sweat had covered his face and neck, but Bones seemed satisfied and put down the sedative.

"You have to be the worst patient I've ever treated Jim." Bones sighed gruffly, placing his hands on his hips.

"I wouldn't be so eager to get up if everything was fine." Kirk snapped back, and then he glared at Spock. "Was it your idea to give the rebels our guns? Because that was a really stupid idea."

The Vulcan seemed confused. "We have not supplied them any weapons."

Kirk froze at this, his breath hitching in his throat. "Wha… but… Olilla? She came to Tomique and said she'd give them weapons in exchange for me and Avita!"

"I am not aware of this proposal." Spock answered, a slightly vacant expression behind his black eyes. "I have not seen Olilla since yesterday morning."

"That bitch!" Kirk screeched, sitting up once again despite Bones throwing up his hands in annoyance. "Well how the hell did you find me?"

"You were located by a young Xiino boy, at the entrance of the mines." Spock said, slowly as though he was still trying to piece all of this together. "You were unconscious. We assumed-"

Kirk threw himself forward. "You have to find her! She promised Tomique weapons in exchange for me! But Avita is still down there! And Tomique said… he said she wasn't the plan; she was the distraction! She-"

"God-damnit!" Bones suddenly yelled, cutting him off. "Your heart-rate Jim! Calm the hell down!"

"No! Something is going on here and I need to-"

"You need to do as I damn say or-"

"But Olilla betrayed us! She must be working for-"

"I don't care! This isn't your job anymore-"

"Bones this is my crew and-"

From nowhere there was a hand on Kirk's face. There was a flash of light and he made a small sound before going limp and falling backwards, his eyes rolling in his head, but Spock didn't release him. The Vulcan pushed past Bones until he was right beside Kirk and then he closed his eyes, his face going blank. Bones knew from looking that Spock was melding with Kirk, probably to access everything he had seen, because when he finally pulled away he looked furious.

"I must locate Olilla." He announced. "I believe Mr Kirk is right in assuming she has betrayed us."

He then turned towards the door, and something unexpected happened. Spock's knees gave way and he half-stumbled again the wall, and Bones had to grab him to support him. The Vulcan raised a hand to his head as Bones sat him down in a chair and started to scan him with a tricorder.

"Forgive me." Spock whispered, closing his eyes and shaking his head. "I was unprepared for the magnitude of pain Mr Kirk has endured. I believe I am momentarily shaken."

Bones made a grumbling sound. "You Vulcans and your damn mind tricks." He snapped.

Kirk half-propped himself up on his elbow to look at Spock. It had been a long time since he had seen him so vulnerable, and he realised Spock must have felt everything he'd felt, and not just seen it. He blushed deeply. Had Spock seen his inappropriate thoughts about Avita?

"I am quite recovered now, thank you Doctor McCoy." Spock waved him away and got to his feet, straightening his uniform, and then he looked directly at Kirk. "We shall continue this discussion when I return. I presume you are aware of the amount of trouble you are in Mr Kirk."

Kirk paled then, and Spock left.

Bones once again threw his hands in the air. "It's like living in a bloody soap opera! I swear to God, you and him need to sort yourselves out. My blood pressure can't take it anymore!"

Kirk was confused by this statement. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't act like you don't know." Bones sighed, leaning in very close and pointing at the door. "Do you know what he did when you were fired? He locked himself in your room! In _your _room Jim! And he didn't come out for four days!" He shook his head. "I had to drag his ass here and force him to sleep and eat something. I've never heard of a Vulcan doing that Jim, even half a Vulcan."

"But… I don't…"

Bones seemed to grow angrier. "Are you that blind? Damnit it man, I'm a doctor not a love guru, and even I can see there's something between you two!"

Kirk's expression hardened. "Don't be stupid Bones, he's a Vulcan."

"He's _half_ a Vulcan! Do you know what kinds of people lock themselves in rooms? Heartbroken people do Jim!"

"But he doesn't… I don't…"

Bones rolled his eyes. "I give up. Acknowledge it or not, I know it's there!" And he left the room in a huff, mumbling under his breath.

Kirk threw back his head onto the pillow and stared up at the white ceiling. Was Bones trying to say that Spock had _feelings _for him? Feelings that went beyond workmanship and friendship? He thought back to everything Spock had said to him since his return.

_I wished only to express my noticing your absence._

_I cannot deny I felt remorse after the trial. A great amount of meditation was required before I felt capable enough to return to duty._

_I value your friendship as highly as I value my own life, and I have apologised to you for my actions._

_Please forgive me. I regret I was not prepared enough for your return._

Kirk groaned and ran a hand over his face. He wasn't used to people expressing their feelings for him in such an unemotional and factual way, but now he read between the lines it was obvious Spock hadn't just been apologising for the report and the trial. And how did he feel in return? Kirk couldn't deny that while he preferred women he had once had a fling with a particularly attractive guy at the academy, and while he didn't fancy Bones he always enjoyed flirting with him. He had never thought about Spock that way. Except when he had woken up and seen him sleeping. The Vulcan had looked undeniably adorable.

Something sprung up in the pit of his stomach, but for the first time it wasn't the white hot pang he was used to. It was nearer to that of getting butterflies when you were nervous, when you saw someone that you had a crush on. Kirk groaned loudly and brought his good hand down hard on the bed. He sounded like a teenage girl, and what annoyed him further was that now he was thinking about it, the feelings wouldn't go away. Spock was damn sexy with his porcelain skin so smooth and soft and his dark eyes and pointed ears and what would happen if Jim nibbled on them?

He stopped then, realising with horror that he was turning himself on, and in attempt to push the thoughts from his mind he climbed gingerly out of bed and headed over to the door in search of a nurse. Luckily he didn't come face to face with Bones, but Nurse June wasn't too happy to see him up and about either.

"You should be lying down!" She snapped at him, taking hold of his elbow and trying to force him back into his room. "We all know about you and sickbays, but this time you have to listen!"

"I can't just lie there, I have to do something." Kirk complained.

Nurse June raised her eyebrows at him. "Have you tried sleeping? Reading a book?"

Kirk pulled a face. "But there are things to do!"

She came to a halt and looked up at him, sadly, as though she didn't want to say what she had to say. "Mr Kirk, this may be difficult to hear, but you are an ensign now and not the captain. You need to lie down and you need to rest. If Captain Spock needs you, I have no doubt he will come and see you." She gave him a small smile.

"I know." Kirk hung his head. "But I can't just lie there."

The nurse took him back to his room and tucked him into bed, giving him a dose of pain-killers in the hope that it would help him settle down. "I'll talk to Doctor McCoy." She said. "We may be able to move you to your quarters. At least then you will be among your own things."

Kirk didn't respond to this, and as Nurse June left he thought about how empty his room was, and how it wouldn't actually be much different to staying in the medical bay. To his surprise however, an hour later when Bones agreed to the transfer, Kirk happened upon a small pile of badly wrapped gifts on his bed. There was only one note, in the familiar scribbly handwriting that was Chekov's stating "for our captain". His heart fluttered a little at the sentiment and he settled himself in bed, grabbing the nearest present.

Bones had returned his Orion girl calendar to him, and there was a traditional Xiino robe of light green material from Uhura and Scotty. Sulu had brought him a huge bowl of sweet apple-like fruit from a Xiino market, and from Chekov he had a keychain that looked like it had been made from a spare part of the ship. Kirk didn't trouble himself with where exactly it had come from, because the last present was a wooden box wrapped slightly differently from all the others.

He hadn't noticed before because it had been hidden by the previous presents, but whereas they had been bound in paper, the box was wrapped in material, and inside it was a chess set. It looked incredibly old. The board was made from some kind of thin flexible wood, and the painted squares were wearing off and scratched. It wasn't until Kirk held up the king that he realised the chess set was his. He had left it behind with Ambassador Zurek six years ago as a present, because he had enjoyed playing it with Chikon so much.

A small smile crossed his lips. Kirk could remember telling Spock how much he loved that chess set. The Vulcan must have asked for it back on his behalf.


	14. Chapter 14

**So this chapter is less plot and more fluff YAY 3**

**Thank you for all your amazing reviews, you are all fabulous! I am so glad you like it ^_^**

**Enjoy the fluff**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen - A Vulcan Kiss

After rescuing Kirk, Olilla had vanished. She was no longer on the ship, nor was she anywhere among the colony, and Kirk's only guess was that she had joined Tomique in the mines. What made it worse was that a whole bunch of their weapons were missing, which meant she truly had betrayed them. It was Sulu who delivered the news to him, the morning after he woke up, and the lieutenant couldn't stress how obvious it was that Spock was fuming, even though he was holding it all in. Kirk thanked him for the news and thanked him for the presents – since he wasn't allowed to leave his room and he hadn't had a chance to yet – and he asked for Spock to come and see him.

He knew it wasn't the right time, or the place, but Kirk had to talk to Spock about _whatever _it was that was between them. He had to get it off his chest or he was going to explode. He needed to know how Spock felt.

It took a long time for the Vulcan to arrive, and to Kirk's surprise it wasn't his door that opened but the door that separated their rooms. Spock remained in the doorway, upright and perfect, with his hands clasped behind his back and his face void of anything. Even his eyes were blank. Kirk forced a smile and patted the bed beside him, but this only resulted in an eyebrow being raised.

"You wished to see me." He said quietly.

Kirk's mind went blank then. Where the hell did he start? "I… err…" He swallowed and blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "Spock… I want to… apologise."

The Vulcan did not react. "You are apologising for disobeying command and entering the mines unaided and without my consent?" He asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

"No. I want to apologise for… damnit this is hard… for how I reacted when I came back." He looked down at his hands, avoiding Spock's unreadable gaze. "Towards you. You apologised and I… well I know it wasn't your fault, I should have… it was my fault I was fired. I was just so…"

Spock was suddenly standing beside the bed. "Your apology is unnecessary Jim. Your anger was understandable."

A strange goofy smile came over Kirk's face. "You called me Jim."

"It is your given name, and I am currently off duty." Spock's eyes then fell upon the pile of presents beside the bed. "I see you received your chess set. The ambassador wished for it to be returned to you. He referred to it as a 'get well soon gift' although I fail to see the logic as the simple giving of an object will not aid in your recovery."

"It makes me feel better." Kirk answered bluntly. "Makes me feel loved, and that people are thinking of me."

Still no reaction from Spock, and Kirk realised he was going to have to try harder.

"So where's your present?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

Spock wasn't looking at him. "Forgive me; I did not understand the social convention until now. You shall have to allow me time to obtain a suitable gift for your recovery."

He moved as though to leave the room, but before he could stop himself Kirk had reached out and grabbed hold of his sleeve, bring the Vulcan to an immediate halt. Spock stared down at Kirk's hand, examining the way in which he was clinging on to him, and then he looked him in the eye.

"You do not wish me to leave yet." He said. Again, it wasn't a question.

There was a lump in Kirk's throat and he was staring at his hand in shock, eyes wide at what he had done, but even more in shock at the fact the Vulcan hadn't pulled away from him. Spock continued to stare down at him, and then ever so hesitantly he twisted his hand and interlocked his fingers with Kirk's. There was a jolt of something pleasurable, and Spock pulled away immediately, taking a step away from the bed.

"F-forgive me." He stammered, shaken. "I had not anticipated such a response from a simple touch."

Kirk couldn't move. His hands was still outstretched, his fingers tingling slightly at whatever had just happened, and then he looked up at Spock with a desire he had not felt in a long time.

"Do it again." He whispered, his voice shaking. "Whatever it was, do it again."

Spock had composed himself by now and he smartened his uniform before fixing Kirk with a blank expression. "I will not. It was an involuntary occurrence, and I wish it not to be repeated."

"What _was _it Spock?" Kirk urged, moving to get out of bed. "What did you do?"

"You must remain in bed Jim."

Spock stepped forwards to stop him but as soon as he reached out his hands Kirk had taken hold of one and pressed together their fingers. Nothing happened. There was no jolt like last time, no ripple of _something_ down his spine. Spock ripped free his hand, his Vulcan strength no match for Kirk's weak grip, and he tilted up his head.

"If you have quite finished touching me Jim, I have things I must be getting back to." He said. "If you require anything else, I can hear you perfectly well through the wall of our rooms."

"Wait!" Kirk was sounding desperate now. "What did you mean before? When you said you'd noticed me not being here, and… and about having to meditate? And Bones said you locked yourself in my room!"

This, however, seemed too forward for the poor Vulcan, because Spock's expression became unreadable. "I simply meant it was difficult to assume command. You shall always be my captain, Jim. Even now, when you are an ensign and I wear the captain's stripes. Now if you please, you need to rest."

He left after that, and Kirk stared at the closed door for a very long time. He had felt something when they'd touched. Furthermore, Spock had been the one who had _touched him. _But what had it been? What had it felt? It had been pleasurable, but not arousing, warm and tingly and happy and nice. Kirk laid back and closed his eyes and tried to hold on to the feeling. He wanted to feel it again. There was no doubt about that.

X

The next person to see him was Uhura, with a huge plate of food that was just a little too healthy for Kirk's liking, but he thanked her and sat up and ate it anyway. She asked him how he was, and he thanked her for the present, but Kirk only had two things on his mind, and he wasn't going to waste any time in talking about them.

"Have you found Olilla yet?" Was his first question. "How did she even get weapons off the ship? Didn't anyone see her?"

Uhura pursed her lips. "We haven't found her yet. Spock is with Ambassador Zurek on Xiino IV. They are trying to figure out how this happened."

"She sold have taken Avita." Kirk said quietly, earning a shocked looked from the woman. "I know she didn't do this because Spock ordered her to, but she should have taken Avita. She was the mission. I was just… making a mess of everything."

"And what would have happened to you? You spent three days down there and almost died!" Uhura's voice was strained. It was obvious Kirk's injuries had upset her.

He took her hand with his good one and gave it a small squeeze. "Hey. I always pull through."

"Not always." She said seriously. "And this time there's no super-blood to bring you back Jim. You need to be careful. You were an idiot running in like that."

Kirk tried to smile, but it wouldn't come. He looked down at Uhura's hand and immediately his other questions popped into his head. "Hey Uhura… when you were with Spock… did he ever touch your hand and you feel something? Like… oh I can't explain it."

The woman had a funny look on her face. "What are you saying Jim?"

He shrugged. "Spock touched my hand earlier and I… I _felt _something. Like, this jolt down my spine and it was… well… all warm and…" He trailed off as a grin spread across Uhura's face. "What?"

"He touched your hand?" She asked, her eyebrows raising. "And you felt something? Jim do you not know that's a Vulcan kiss?"

Kirk's heart thudded painful in his chest, and then it exploded. "Are you telling me he kissed me and I didn't even know it?!" He yelled. "That damn-" And he pulled back the covers to jump out of bed.

"Hey! Hey, Bones hasn't said you can leave yet, so calm down." Uhura ordered, but she was failing to hide her laugh.

"This isn't funny!" Kirk snapped, folding his arms moodily and hunching his shoulders. "Damn Vulcan acting all cute and kissing me."

Uhura cleared her throat. "Are you two finally coming to terms with it?"

"With what? For God's sake, you're as bad as Bones!"

She held up her hands in defence. "Fine, I won't mention it again. But one last thing; Spock never gave me a Vulcan kiss. Only Human ones."

Kirk's jaw dropped at this. "What are you-"

"_This is your captain speaking." _It was Spock's voice over the comm. _"I require all officers on the bridge. Lieutenant Uhura will meet me in the transporter room, as well as Doctor McCoy, immediately."_

Uhura looked worried. "I have to go Jim. Stay in bed. I'll come see you tomorrow."

Kirk groaned as she left, wanting desperately to know what was happening, but instead he climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom for a shower. It took a long time to unravel all of his bandages, and luckily his plaster-cast was waterproof, but the hot water was soothing and Kirk decided to sit on the floor with his back against the wall and simply let it wash over his aching body. He wanted to know what was going on. Why was Bones needed at the transporter room? Had something happened on Xiino IV that required extra medical help?

Kirk thought back to what Tomique had said about his partner and immediately his thoughts turned to Olilla. It appeared as though she were the partner, since she had offered them weapons and had now vanished, but if didn't make sense. She had been on the Enterprise, and before that on Earth, and there was no way she would have been able to communicate with Tomique. All communications to Xiino IV went to the ambassador; Kirk knew that from their last trip. So did that mean Olilla wasn't the partner? Was there someone else by Ambassador Zurek's side that they hadn't thought of? And what was the overall plan?

Kirk didn't even notice he had fallen asleep until someone was switching off the shower and wrapping him in a towel. Strong arms gathered him up and carried him back through to the bed, drying him before tucking him in. Kirk would have been embarrassed if he wasn't so sleepy and achy and if the bed wasn't so comfortable, because he was completely naked, and because he recognised the blurry face. It was smooth and neat and distinctively Vulcan, but the eyes were kind and loving and he was whispering something in a language Kirk didn't understand.

"_Rom-mu-yor, slor-veh." _

* * *

**Rom-mu-yor : good night**

**Slor-veh : sweet one**


	15. Chapter 15

**Your reviews are all so sweet and kind thank you so very much everyone**

**I was almost in tears reading them this morning ='D**

**There's a little treat for you all in this chapter ^_^**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen - Poison

Kirk didn't find out until the next day that Ambassador Zurek had been poisoned. Spock had spent the majority on the previous day with the Xiino and Chikon and their doctors, trying to figure out the source of the poisoning and who had done it. That was why in the end they had sent for Bones, because nothing they were doing was helping. It was Chekov who filled him in, after Kirk had slowly and gingerly dressed and made his way to the bridge. It was unusually quiet up there, but with Sulu left in charge and no Spock or Olilla to tell him otherwise, Kirk sank in the captain's chair to listen to the Russian.

"Zey believe it is vom a plant called xiinophyxin sir." He related, leaning right out of his chair, almost excitedly. "It creates highly toxic poison."

"But how was it given to him? Do they know that?" Kirk asked, rubbing one of the wounds on his stomach as it throbbed.

Chekov shrugged. "Zey do not know. Ze poison is clear sir. It has no smell. Ze only way Doctor McCoy know it to be poison is because of Ambassador Zurek's condition sir."

Kirk pursed his lips and ran a hand over his face. "I should be down there. I should be by his side."

"I hate to say it Jim, but if you leave the ship, I do believe Spock will kill you." Sulu laughed, spinning about in his chair to look at him.

Kirk couldn't help but laugh at this, but then he thought about last night. He was one-hundred per-cent sure Spock had fished him out of the shower and put him to bed last night. Things were more than clear now. Spock obviously had feelings for him that went beyond friendship. And what had he whispered to him? 'Rom-mu-yor, slor-veh'. He would have to ask Uhura about that when she got back.

And how did he feel about Spock? He had already admitted to finding him attractive. And sure, he enjoyed his company; they used to play chess all the time when he was captain, and unbeknown to a lot of the crew Spock was actually good to talk to. True his logical thinking could be infuriating at time, but it was also helpful, and there had been that one time when Spock had got bat-shit crazy after Kirk's death and tried to murder Khan in revenge.

There was something about Spock's long slender white fingers that Kirk liked, and he was dying to know whether the Vulcan's pointed ears were sensitive or not. And he always stood so upright and sometimes it made his shirt look really tight over his chest and abs. What would it look like underneath? Was the skin just as smooth as every other part of him or did he have little hairs on his chest? Would Spock speak in Vulcan to Kirk if they were together _that _way? What did Vulcan swearing sound like? Kirk bet Spock sounded so sexy when he swore in-

"Keptin on ze bridge!" Chekov suddenly announced, out of nowhere.

He looked round just as Spock appeared, and the Vulcan viewed him in his the captain's chair with a raised eyebrow. Kirk didn't want to move. Not just because he was in pain and it was comfy and it was really actually _his _chair, but also because his heart had started to pound at his thoughts and seeing Spock all of a sudden was too much. He blushed so deeply Sulu and Chekov gave each other knowing glances.

"Mr Kirk, what are you doing out of your room?" Spock said blankly.

Kirk made a small choking sound and rose slowly to his feet, his hand still clutching at his stomach, and he stepped to one side and let Spock sit down.

"Lieutenant Sulu, patch me through to Starbase." Spock ordered, and the he turned to Kirk, that one eyebrow still raised. "Mr Kirk there is a strange vacant expression on your face, are you feeling quite well?"

If it was possible, Kirk blushed even deeper. "I-I… I was just… you, err…" And then he shook his head and left the bridge as quickly as his body would allow.

He didn't hear what message Spock had to tell Starbase, because Kirk headed straight to the medical bay. Bones went purple with rage when he saw him and immediately forced him into a chair, jabbing a hypospray of pain-relief into his neck before Kirk even had a chance to open his mouth.

"Damnit man!" Bones hissed. "You look like a walking corpse. You're all white and sweaty."

Kirk hadn't even noticed he was sweating. "I don't think that's my wounds." He whispered, running a hand though his hair. "Bones, I… I think I want to bang Spock."

The doctor stared at him blankly, and then he threw up his hands. "I did not need to hear that!" He shouted so loudly several nurses stared at him.

"I can't stop thinking about him!" Kirk cried. "This is becoming a problem! What were you saying before? What were you saying about him being all broken-hearted and-"

"I'm not getting any more involved!" Bones placed his hands over his ears.

Kirk pulled a face. "He gave me a Vulcan kiss Bones and said something to me in Vulcan and he found me naked in the shower and put me to bed and…" He trailed off, drawing a deep breath. "I've been doing a lot of thinking recently and I think he likes me. Am I right? Does he like me?"

Bones made a groaning sound and sank into the seat beside him, patting his arm. "I'm not an expert on Vulcan's Jim, but something is different with him. He changed when you left, and he's changed again since you've come back. I can't even begin to understand what's going through his head though. Vulcans and emotions and all that shit."

"I'm going to have to talk to him aren't I?" Kirk sighed.

Bones pulled a face and made a 'pfft' sound, throwing up his hands in a gesture that was becoming all too familiar to Kirk. "The hell do I know."

Kirk balled his good hand and nodded. "Okay." He got awkwardly to his feet. "I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to get it out of the way and…" He stopped at the look on Bones' face. "What the hell am I saying? I shouldn't be thinking about this. How's the ambassador?"

"It's not good." The doctor shook his head. "We have the plant, but we can't make an antidote no matter how many times we try. I have more people working on it than I can spare Jim."

"I want to see him." Kirk nodded. "Do you think I could go down to the colony? I have a room there remember."

Bones' expression set hard. "If you can promise me you'll rest and not go wondering about." He pointed a threatening finger at him.

"He's my friend Bones, I have to be with him." Kirk pleaded.

In the end the doctor gave in and it wasn't long before Kirk was limping to his room to pack a bag. To his horror Spock was standing outside the door, almost as though he had been waiting for him to show up. There was an odd expression on the Vulcan's face, one near to nerves or uncertainty, but Kirk tried as hard as he could not to look up at him and punched in the code to open the door.

"Doctor McCoy has informed me you shall be continuing your recovery alongside the ambassador." Spock said quietly, following him into the room.

"Yeah?" Was all Kirk could think of to say.

Spock cleared his throat. "I regret I cannot accompany you, but my services are needed here upon the ship. I am aiding the science and the medical teams in creating an antidote."

"Wait, what? You want to come with me?" Kirk frowned up at him.

Something dark flashed across Spock's face, and then it was gone and he'd composed himself again. "Indeed. I am fully aware of your dislike for bed rest, and I was hoping to keep you company to avoid boredom."

"Regret? Hope? Whoa Spock, don't get all emotional at me." Kirk half-laughed, but it was poorly constructed joke.

"I do not understand your statement Jim." Spock frowned.

Kirk waved his good hand at him. "Just forget it. Look Spock, I have to ask you something before I go, and it'll probably make things awkward between us but I have to do it…" He took a deep breath. "Did you kiss me the other day?"

To his surprise, Spock looked panicked. "To what are you referring Jim?"

"Our hands!" He walked right up to him. "We touched and I felt this jolt of something, and Uhura said it was a Vulcan kiss. Was she right? Did you kiss me?"

"It was an unintentional occurrence Jim." Spock actually took a small step away from him. "One that I deeply regret."

"So you didn't want to kiss me?" Kirk stepped towards him again. "And you don't want to kiss me again?"

Spock again stepped backwards, but Kirk simply followed him until the Vulcan was pressed up again the door, and Kirk had never seen him so at a loss before. Spock looked positively petrified. His eyes were wide with confusion and shock and the very tips of his ears were flushed green and Kirk was reminded of Bones' words - _I can't even begin to understand what's going through his head though. Vulcans and emotions and all that shit._ Could it be that Spock did have feelings for him, but that he didn't understand those feelings? That he didn't know what to do with them? Love was one of the most powerful emotions there were, and although Spock loved his mother dearly, surely this would feel very different.

Kirk suddenly placed his good hand to Spock's chest, holding him in place against the door, and although the Vulcan would have been able to push him away with ease, he did not. He stared down at Kirk in horror, in wonder, in anticipation, and the green flush now decorated his cheeks. Kirk slowly pressed together their chests and reached up on his tiptoes, his eyes on the pair of lips that were now directly in line with his.

"J-Jim…" Spock's voice was deep and guttural. "What are you-"

"Shush." Kirk hissed. "Just let me do this. Just let me see."

And he kissed him. He closed the gap between their lips and gave Spock the smallest gentlest of kisses, lingering on his lips and closing his eyes. Spock smelt so good; Kirk had never noticed this before. He smelt impeccably clean, of soap and shampoo, but there was also a hint of vanilla and jasmine and Kirk remembered that the Vulcan liked to medicate with candles and incense. Some of the smell must have gotten into his clothes. And it was then Kirk realised that Spock hadn't pushed him away. The Vulcan was standing incredibly still, upright and tense.

Kirk pulled away just the tiniest bit, their noses bumping. "You're supposed to relax." He whispered. "This isn't supposed to be unpleasant."

"I am quite aware of how a Human kiss works Jim." Spock replied, matter-of-factly.

This made Kirk purse his lips and frown. "Then do it properly."

And then they were properly kissing. Not just lips pressing against lips, but with open mouths and dancing tongues. Kirk moved his hand from Spock's chest to his hair and gripped the black locks tightly and Spock's hands were suddenly on his lower back, driving them together. It was hot and wet and messy, as though Spock wasn't sure what he was doing, but Kirk didn't care because they were kissing and he had never kissed anyone like this before and-

Spock pushed him roughly away, almost pushing him over, and he turned away from Kirk and held a hand up to his mouth. There was fear in his eyes, as though he had just realised what he was doing, and Kirk could see him struggling to compose himself. He was failing miserably. The Vulcan looked more lost and confused now than ever, and before Kirk could open his mouth the door had opened and Spock had ran off down the corridor.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen – The Partner Unveiled

Kirk had seen many injured and ill people in his time. He had seen dead people too, but nothing prepared him for seeing Ambassador Zurek. The Xiino looked like he had already passed on, if it wasn't for his open eyes and shallow breathing. His wrinkled skin was no longer grey, but white, void of all colour, and his eyes had become watery and blank. He was incredibly weakened, his limbs like bones with the skin hanging off unpleasantly, and when he tried to talk the only thing that came out was a dry strangled sigh.

It was heart-breaking; the thought of his friend dying in such a way and not getting to say goodbye to his daughter, not knowing whether she was ever returned home. Kirk settled himself in a chair beside the bed and took the ambassador's thin bony hand, kissing it gently before giving him a smile. Chikon was with them too, sitting on the other side looking as though he hadn't slept in days. It must be horrible watching your brother die and knowing you can't help him.

"How long does he have?" Kirk asked quietly.

Chikon didn't look at him. "Your doctor believes perhaps a further day. The poison is killing him very slowly, from the inside out."

"I will find you did this to him." Kirk said, the venom in his words causing Chikon to flinch. "I will find them and I will made them pay. Zurek was a good leader, he cared for his people; no one had any reason to harm him!"

"I agree with you Mr Kirk." Chikon swallowed, his hands suddenly trembling. "I only wish we knew why someone would want to do this."

Kirk ran a hand through his hair. "Tomique told me he had a partner up here somewhere. I can only guess that's who poisoned him. But why? Wha's Tomique's plan? To get rid of the ambassador and then take over the city? That's what he tried to do last time, didn't he? Six years ago?"

Chikon gave him a small nod. "However he attempted a direct assault last time. He did not working from within as he has done now."

"Just answer me this." Kirk frowned deeply, thinking. "If the ambassador dies, who's next in line for ruling the colony?"

"That would be Avita."

Kirk nodded. "And Tomique has her, so who would it be then?"

Something flashed across Chikon's face that Kirk didn't recognise. "That would be me." He eventually said, and then quickly he added "Do you believe I am in danger?"

"Well who would it be after you?"

"There would be a vote." He replied. "Anyone can take up the position if they wish, and the public votes. Tomique would be able to apply."

Kirk was suddenly on his feet. "We should provide extra guards for you, and you're not to eat or drink anything that hadn't been prepared specially." He started to pace the room. "What I don't understand though, is why now? Why wait six years to try again?"

"Perhaps he was waiting for sufficient numbers, or weapons, like the ones your first officer supplied him?" Chikon suggested.

"Don't talk to me about that bitch." Kirk snapped. "I swear to God, when I get my hands on her-" He sighed deeply. "I don't know what to do Chikon. I don't know how to help."

The Xiino was suddenly standing in front of him, and he placed his hands to Kirk's shoulders. "Perhaps there is nothing we can do. My brother is going to die and Tomique is going to attack the colony. Do we even know if Avita is still alive?"

Kirk frowned at this and took a small step away from him. "You're awfully _fine _about this, all of a sudden." He said. "Surely you aren't going to just lie back and take it. You're going to fight, right?"

"Sometimes there are things we cannot stop from happening." Chikon replied, his voice taking on a tone Kirk didn't like one bit. "Like this poison. If your doctors are so special, they would have created an antidote by now, and yet they haven't."

"What the hell are you saying?" Kirk snapped.

Chikon started towards him, his hands pressed together thoughtfully. "When I first met you six years ago Mr Kirk, I knew you were something special. The Golden Boy of Starfleet! The youngest man to captain a ship! Earth's hero! But I was disappointed when I saw you again. You have become weak, uncertain." He pulled a disgusted face and waved a dismissive hand at him. "I was hoping for a fight Mr Kirk, to see that bravado of yours once again."

It was all becoming horribly clear now. Kirk looked about for a way out, but Chikon was blocking his path, and there was nothing in arm's reach that would serve as a weapon. Ambassador Zurek made a small sound from the bed, watching on and unable to help.

"Your Starfleet was so eager to form an alliance with Xiino IV after your visit, and my brother was more than pleased, but your people have been stealing _my _research!" Chikon was growing angry now. "The plant samples you took from me helped to revolutionise Earth's medicine, and what did we get in return? Nothing!"

"Starfleet promised protection." Kirk said quickly, trying to remember the details of the alliance. "They promised aid."

Chikon puffed out his cheeks. "And when the ambassador's daughter was kidnapped who did they send? A half-Vulcan and a disgraced Human! And you never even stood a chance against Tomique and his lokiens! I was there Mr Kirk. I saw the fight. I tended to your wounds myself!"

Kirk felt his insides lurch with horror. "You poisoned him didn't you? It was you! You're the partner!"

"I am not the partner, Mr Kirk. Tomique is working for me." Chikon's lips curled into an unpleasant smirk. "The poison will kill my brother, and Tomique will kill Avita, leaving me in charge of the colony. We will use your weapons to bring down your ship and Starfleet will suffer the loss of their Golden Boy!"

He suddenly jumped forward, far quicker than Kirk expected for his age, and he only just had time to dart out of the way. The action proved too much however and Kirk lost his footing, falling backwards over a basket of clothes and hitting the ground with a thud that shook his whole body and hurt his wounds. Kirk cried out in pain. Chikon took hold of him by his shirt and hauled him up against the wall.

"The only question is _how _to kill you!" He snarled. "Do I poison you and watch while your crew try desperately to save you? While you lie there unable to tell them what happened? Or shall I just snap your neck and be done with it?"

Chikon moved his hand from Kirk's shirt to his throat and leaned in very close to him.

"Did you even wonder how you figured out that Tomique was underground?" He hissed. "That was me! That pretty barmaid slipped something into your drink and it gave you that dream! I wanted to see you fight Mr Kirk; I wanted this to be fun!" He tilted his head to one side. "You can't even fight me off _now_ can you? Look at you. So pathetic."

"Y-you…" Kirk gasped for air; his throat felt like it was caving in. "…b-bas… tard!"

Chikon suddenly turned towards the door. Spock had appeared from nowhere and was staring at them blankly, his eyes drinking in the scene before him before clouding darkly, and he broke into a run, releasing a strangled yell. The Xiino tightened his grip on Kirk so hard he almost snapped his neck and hauled him in the direction of Spock, who immediately skidded to a halt to catch him, and by the time they both looked up Chikon had jumped out of the window and disappeared.

Kirk couldn't breathe. His throat was raw and no matter how hard he tried there was no oxygen getting into his lungs. He stared up at Spock with wide eyes, certain he was about to die, but then just as everything blurred, Spock bent his head and breathed into his mouth. It was a strange experience, lying across Spock's legs with his hot sweet breathe filling his lungs, and Kirk thought for a moment that maybe he was hallucinating. It wasn't until Spock started kissing him and he realised he could breathe again did he pushed him away and sit up.

"Chi-" He started, but it ended with a cough.

"You must not speak." Spock took hold of his face and brought it round, examining Kirk's badly marked throat with tender fingers. "The strangulation had bruised your trachea. You are incredibly lucky it was not damaged further."

Kirk shook his head, trying to bat his hands away. "Chi...on… pois…ed…" And he turned to look at Ambassador Zurek.

"I understand." Spock nodded, and then he got to his feet with Kirk cradled in his arms. "I was able to listen to Chikon's confession and I came as soon as I knew you were in danger."

Kirk simply rested his head against Spock's chest and let him carry him through to the room he had been given, marvelling at his Vulcan strength despite the situation. Spock placed him down on the bed and pulled out his communicator.

"Enterprise, this is Captain Spock." He said into it. "It has been revealed to us that Chikon is the one who poisoned Ambassador Zurek. He has fled from the colony and I assume his plan is to regroup with the rebel Tomique. Jim has been injured, and I require Doctor McCoy immediately-"

"No!" Kirk grabbed hold of his arm, pulling the communicator away from his face. "I d-don't need him. I'm f-fine. See? I c-can t-talk again." And he gave Spock a small smile.

"Very well. Enterprise, Doctor McCoy's services are no long required." Spock said into the communicator. "Alert Starbase of this mission's recent occurrences and prepare all officers trained on combat. Captain, out."

Kirk looked up at him. "You… need to st-stop rescuing m-me." He said.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I will cease rescuing you Jim the day the cease getting into trouble." He said, and then his eyes clouded over sadly. "I would like to apologise for my actions yesterday, they were quite unbecoming."

"Are you t-talking about the running away from m-me?" Kirk sat up a little so he could look at him properly. "Because if you're t-talking about k-kissing me back, I really liked that."

A dark green blush decorated Spock's cheeks. "Forgive my actions. I cannot deny there is something I feel for you Jim; however I am still trying to make sense of what it is I feel."

"I feel something too." Kirk whispered, swallowing nervously. "I think… I think it's always been there, I just… I n-never realised until now." And he reached across and took hold of Spock's hand. "Will you… do that thing again? The Vulcan kiss? Please?"

Spock was blank all of a sudden. He stared down at their hands for a very long time before entwining their fingers so that the tips of his were pressed against the tips of Kirk's, and then there was a jolt. It was much stronger that before, and it rippled down Kirk's spine and made him feel all warm and fluffy inside and he relaxed and smiled.

"It appears you enjoy Vulcan kisses as much as you enjoy Human kisses Jim." Spock said, pulling free his hand and balling it in his lap. "I am aware that I should not be sharing something so intimate with you. You are my friend, and I-"

"Oh shush." Kirk cut across him. "We have feelings for each other and we keep kissing, Vulcan or Human, it doesn't matter, a kiss is a kiss. The only question is what do we do about it?"

They sat together in awkward silence for a long time after this. Kirk watched Spock closely as different emotions flashed across his face; he looked lost again and confused again, but there was also the hints of a smile and happiness and hope. In the end Kirk sat up completely and shuffled himself towards the edge of the bed, placing his hand on Spock's knee.

"I want to do something about it." He said. "I can't stop thinking about you in that way… what it would be like…"

"I believe you are referring to Human intercourse Jim." Spock replied.

Kirk blushed deeply. "Don't word it like that! It's embarrassing! But yes, I can't stop picturing you naked, and it's really frustrating because we're in the middle of a mission and the ambassador is dying and Avita could be dead already and goodness knows what Chikon will do next and I-"

Spock was smiling at him. He was _actually _smiling, and it was the most beautiful thing Kirk had ever seen in his life. His heart melted a little and the butterflies returned to his stomach and it was in that instant that Kirk realised he was in love.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen – The Battle Begins

Before he could help himself Kirk had knelt forward and pressed together their lips. There was such a rush of emotion flooding through him that he needed to express it, but Spock placed a hand to Kirk's chest to stop him. He looked sad all of a sudden. The Vulcan wasn't even trying to hide his emotions, and Kirk could understand why. He didn't know a lot about Vulcans but he knew that they bonded for life, and that causal relationships and casual sex just didn't happen, and that every seven years they underwent Pon Farr. Yet what about Spock's Human side? Surely he had to satisfy that too?

"What is it?" Kirk whispered, raising a hand and touching Spock's cheek. "Are you okay?"

Spock closed his eyes at the contact. "This is difficult for me Jim. I am not accustomed to such base desires, or to such feelings as this."

"I know." Kirk whispered, bringing the Vulcan's face slowly towards his own.

Spock pushed him away and got to his feet. "Stop this Jim. It is most unacceptable, not only for a Vulcan, but for a captain. Whilst a relationship between crew members is not against the rules, it is frowned upon. I fear it would put strain upon our working together. Furthermore, we are in the middle of a very important mission, as you have already pointed out."

Kirk pouted and threw himself backwards onto the bed in a sulk. "You're so infuriating!" He shouted, before grabbing a pillow and tossing it at him.

All Spock had to do was step to one side to avoid being hit. "Forgive me Jim. I do not mean to cause distress. I do however believe that this is a conversation for once we have saved Ambassador Zurek and Avita, and stopped Chikon and Tomique."

Kirk groaned. "I know. I know! I'm sorry, I just-" He groaned again, louder, and he grabbed another pillow and chucked it as hard as he could.

This time Spock caught it, and quite unexpectedly he threw it back. It hit Kirk directly on the face and he looked up in shock. The Vulcan was impassive, his face blank and both eyebrows raised, and Kirk actually trembled. He was suddenly extremely turned on. This wasn't good.

"I must return to the ship." Spock said. "A decision must be made as to our next move and I would like to talk with Starbase-"

He stopped and turned towards the door, where Sulu had just appeared carrying a PADD and a communicator. "Captain." He said, before glancing at Kirk apologetically. "Admiral Gordon wants to speak with you immediately."

Spock didn't need telling twice. He left the room without saying goodbye, and so Kirk got awkwardly to his feet and limped towards Sulu, and together they followed the Vulcan to the transporter room where Admiral Gordon's face was on the screen, and he didn't look happy.

"-sure of what your heard Captain Spock?" He was saying.

Spock nodded once. "As I said, I have a reliable witness. Mr Kirk was the subject of Chikon's confession. Unfortunately he escaped before I had time to apprehend him and I believe he has returned to Tomique beneath the Mud Hills."

"This is nasty business." The admiral grumbled. "Despite our presence here, and despite the mission, we cannot interfere with politics."

"Our mission was to rescue Avita!" Kirk jumped in, approaching the screen. "And Tomique still has her."

"Mr Kirk I understand the circumstances have changed, but you are still not authorised to make commands." Admiral Gordon snapped. "This has gotten way out of hand. We can, however, interfere enough to get our first officer back."

Kirk scowled. "You mean the traitor?"

"We get her back so she can be dealt with accordingly Mr Kirk." He replied stiffly. "If we have to stop Tomique and Chikon to do it, then so be it. On my head be it, I am giving you permission to do whatever it takes to rescue Avita and retrieve the traitor Olilla. Over and out."

Spock turned top Sulu. "How many crew members do we have that are trained in combat Lieutenant?" He asked.

"There are sixty-four of us captain. Suited up and armed, ready to beam down."

Kirk blinked at him. "Sixty… really?"

"You are aware of how many crew members there are aboard the Enterprise Jim." Spock said, an eyebrow rising. "This news should not surprise you. Lieutenant Sulu, I want everyone prepared for combat to join us at the entrance to the mines in exactly one hour, and I want any remaining shuttles we have circling the colony. Have the Enterprise ready in case we need her." Spock turned to Kirk. "You are to stay with the ambassador."

"I can help Spock." Kirk said determinedly. "I still have one good hand. I can carry a weapon."

The Vulcan's eyes flashed. "You are staying well away from this fight, and that is an order from your captain."

Kirk pursed his lips. "You know I can do this Spock."

"I will not allow you to put yourself in harm's way when you are not at full strength." Spock argued, stepping towards him.

Beside them, Sulu backed away with raised eyebrows.

"This is bullshit Spock!"

"I have given you an order and I expect you to adhere to it." The Vulcan said calmly. "If you do not, I will be forced to take measures-"

"This is ridiculous!" Kirk snapped. "Fine! Run off into battle! See how I care! I'll just sit here on my ass while my family is all off fighting!"

With that he skulked off from the transporter room and went to sit with Ambassador Zurek. The poor Xiino was barely alive, his breathing short and rasping, but he managed a small smile at the sight of Kirk, who took hold of his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"There has to be a cure." He whispered. "If only we still had some of Khan's blood… but goodness know where he is now. I don't know what Starfleet did with him and his crew after…" He swallowed.

Zurek blinked at him, showing he was listening.

"I will get your daughter back." Kirk nodded. "I promised, didn't I? We'll stop Chikon and Tomique and you'll get better and Avita will be back and…"

Kirk trailed off again. There was a lump in his throat. He felt riled up after his short argument with Spock. Surely the Vulcan knew why he wanted to come along? He wanted to make sure no one got hurt, that no one was killed. What if Tomique or Chikon got to Spock? Or Sulu? Or Uhura? Or any of his family? He wiped a hand over his face as tears filled his eyes, and then he forced a smile for Zurek.

"They'll be fine." He nodded, but he knew he was saying it for himself.

X

The first Kirk heard of the battle there was an explosion that shook the whole colony. He ran to the window and peered out across the buildings and there were great bellows of smoke rising up from where the entrance to the mines was. He had no idea if it was Spock blocking the entrance or if it was Tomique making a big entrance, but after that there were the distant sounds of shouting and gunfire.

It was torture to listen to. The Enterprise's shuttles zoomed overhead; the shouting grew louder and then there was screaming. Several hours passed before Kirk saw anything however. The sky was now dark with smoke and the screams seemed to be coming from the civilians. They were running through the streets, clutching their children and possessions and trying to find places to hide as armoured men rampaged through the colony. And they were definitely Tomique's men. Their armour was more rugged, more make-shift, and it was caked with mud. Ambassador Zurek's men wore uniforms similar to robes, and any crew of the Enterprise were in suits. Kirk watched for as long as he could and then he walked to the door, which was being heavily guarded.

"I need to know what's going on." He demanded.

It was then they saw him; Tomique, with Avita clutched to his chest by her throat, a gun against her head. The young Xiino was badly beaten up. There was a nasty looking gash on her hairline and thick purple blood trickled down her face, and when she saw Kirk she released a cry. Tomique only saw the guards. With two shots he had killed them both and then he placed the gun back to Avita's head.

"Hello captain." He growled, a smile upon his lips. "I was hoping I'd run into you."

Kirk balled his good hand and hunched his shoulders. "So this was the plan all along?" He said carefully. "Kidnap Avita, and while we're all looking for her, Chikon poisons the ambassador."

"And of course you had to be here." Tomique added. "The famous James Tiberius Kirk had to be here to witness it all, unable to help, and then the Enterprise destroyed."

"And where does Olilla come into this equation?"

Tomique seemed surprised by this question. "Oh? That Uniton? Oh she isn't part of this; we blackmailed her. When she came to claim your Vulcan, we told her if she didn't give us the weapons we needed we'd blow up the Enterprise."

"But… when she came…"

"Well where's the fun if we don't make her look like a traitor?" Tomique cackled, suddenly looking very manic. "It was all a show Captain Kirk. Of course she didn't know that we were planning on blowing the Enterprise up anyway! Unitons are very proud creatures; a very female dominated race. How much of a disgrace do you think it is to be ordered about by men?"

Kirk was angry now. Olilla hadn't had anything to do with this after all. She had just been used. "And where is she now?" He hissed. "Is she even still alive?"

"She might be." Tomique shrugged. "I left her with my pets."

"You're a monster!" Avita suddenly yelled.

She wrenched back her head, where it connected with Tomique's nose and broke it. The rebel released her with a shout and before he had time to fire his weapon Kirk had kicked it from his grip. Tomique fell to the ground and Avita scrambled to pick up the gun. She held it out with shaking hands, tears streaming down her face.

"I should kill you!" She shrieked.

Kirk held out a hand towards her. "Avita." He whispered. "Not like this. Let me have the gun."

But she had fired it, and Tomique was dead. Avita dropped the gun with a sob and stumbled backwards against the wall, her whole body shaking. Kirk immediately went to her, clutching her face and wiping away her tears before wrapping her in a tight embrace.

"He d-did things!" She sobbed.

Kirk closed his eyes and tried not to image what she had been through after he'd left. "It's okay. I'm here." He said. "You're safe now; he's dead."

Avita clung to him until her sobs subsided and then they went through into Ambassador Zurek's room. Avita run to her father and collapsed across the bed, burying her face in his and kissing him all over, a smile all over her face despite his dying state. Kirk watched the scene stiffly. Avita was safe and Tomique was dead, but Chikon was still out there and Zurek was still dying. He couldn't stand by any long. He had to help.

Kirk strode from the room, grabbing one of the dead guard's weapons, and with a set jaw and a determined expression he headed out in the chaos that was the street.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello guys thank you thank you for all your kind and supportive reviews**

**Please don't hate me for this chapter, I promise it will get better ¬_¬**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen - Katra

When Kirk finally caught sight of Spock, nothing else mattered anymore. All the anger he had felt towards him about writing that report and getting him fired; it was gone. Any resentment, any feelings of betrayal; Kirk felt stupid for having felt them. If only he had accepted that his expulsion was a result of his own misconduct, he could have moved on with his life, but kept in contact, remained friends. Would his love for Spock had dawned on him sooner? He had no idea. All he did know was that the sight of the Vulcan furiously battling hand-to-hand with one of Tomique's guards made him halt and lower his weapon.

He thought about everything they had been through together. This mission, the trial, the five-year mission, Khan, Nero, seeing him for the first time rise to his feet and approach the pedestal after the Kobayashi Maru all those long years ago. And when had Spock realised he had feelings for Jim? After his death? After he was fired? Had it been before that? It was horrible because Kirk wanted to ask him, he wanted to find out, he wanted to know everything, feel everything there was to feel when you were with the person you loved, and yet he couldn't. They still had work to do.

Kirk held up his weapon and fired it just as Spock gave the rebel a forceful shove, and he fell down dead. The Vulcan turned to look at him, his face a mask of calm, but then joy and then panic. He ran to Kirk and placed his hands on his arm.

"What are you doing here Jim? When I gave you a direct-"

"Tomique is dead." Kirk panted. "Avita killed him. She's with Zurek now."

Spock nodded at this. "I understand. However I still ordered you to-"

Before he could continue his sentence Kirk had taken hold of his shirt and kissed him. It was stupid and dangerous and impulsive, but amid the chaos that was the Xiino colony, it was kind of romantic because Spock kissed him back. Just for a second. They he pulled away and took hold of Kirk's good hand and pulled him towards the nearest building.

"I must locate Olilla." He said.

Kirk grabbed hold of his wrist. "She didn't betray us. She was blackmailed. She isn't a traitor. Tomique told me. He said he left her with his beasts; she's probably in the mines."

Spock nodded at this. "You must go back to Zurek."

"I am not leaving your side." Kirk tightened his grip. "Not ever again. Do you hear me? I was wrong to be angry with you… this mission; I've been such a dick, I just… Spock, I-"

Something exploded. They had no idea what because they were thrown into the air and ripped apart and the next thing Kirk knew they were being attacked and two officers from the Enterprise were helping them. Kirk rolled to retrieve his weapon and was on his feet in seconds, his focus completely on protection Spock, who had momentarily been fazed. There was a deep cut on his cheek, his black hair mussed, and green blood smudged across his chin, but luckily by the time the attack was over he was back on his feet. Kirk had to resist the urge to kiss him again.

"We must head to the mines." Spock said. "If Olilla is still alive, we must bring her back to the ship."

Kirk nodded, and together they made their way through the rubble and ruckus, past fallen Xiino guards and rebels and civilians. They saw fallen Enterprise officers too, and the sight was heart-breaking but they couldn't stop, and they didn't stop until they reached the entrance of the mines. It hadn't been blown up like Kirk had first suspected, but it was smoking and there were quite a few bodies, and to their horror there was a pack of lokiens feasting on the corpses.

They looked up at the smell and sound of approaching fresh meat, bearing their teeth and snarling. Spock grabbed hold of Kirk and pushed him behind him, but before he had a chance to fire a weapon there was a sound from inside the mines. The lokiens all turned; just as a very battered looking Olilla came limping out of the tunnel. In her right hand she held a gun, her left was clutched to her stomach which was bleeding heavily, and without pausing she shot down the beasts.

"Sp-Spock!" She cried, and then she collapsed heavily face down into the blood-stained mud.

Kirk and Spock were by her side within seconds, rolling her over and propping her up. There was an incredible amount of blood and already it had started to form a puddle beneath her. Olilla reached a hand up to Kirk and touched his cheek, a small smile flickering across her lips.

"You're going to be fine." Kirk nodded, pressing his good hand to the wound on her stomach, trying desperately to still the bleeding. "It's fine, we've got you now."

Olilla forced a small chuckle, spitting blood down her chin. "B-Bull… shit."

It was all Kirk could do to laugh. "It's nice to see you too Olilla." He said, glancing at Spock. "What you did… we know you didn't have a choice, but Tomique was planning on blowing up the Enterprise anyway."

"I kn-know that n-now." She coughed. "Damn b-bastard tricked m-me."

She then reached to her neck and pulled from beneath her uniform a pendant. It was the size of a coin, silver in colour with a deep purple jewel in the centre.

"I w-want you t-to give this to m-my Mum." She held it out.

"Don't be stupid. You're going to be fine." Kirk snapped. "You've got a lot of shouting to do; you have no idea how many commands I've not listened to. Plus you need to explain what the hell your deal is."

Spock crouched down beside them at this point. "Jim. I do not believe this is the time. Olilla is dying. She has lost approximately 5.672 pints of blood and survival is unlikely."

"Spock's r-right." Olilla pushed the pendant into Kirk's hand. "Make sure she g-gets this. She'll u-understand." Her eyes flickered closed. "S-save… Xiino…" She whispered, and then her breathing stilled and she fell limp in Kirk's arms.

Spock reached across and took hold of Kirk's arm, giving it a gentle squeeze as he lowered the Uniton to the ground. Kirk was shaking with anger. Olilla had been a complete bitch to him, but she hadn't deserved to die, and hunching his shoulders he turned to Spock.

"We find Chikon." He said in a low voice. "And we bring him to justice. He is now responsible for the murder of a Starfleet first officer."

They didn't have to wait long before they happened upon the Xiino traitor, because just as Spock and Kirk were leaving the entrance of the mines they were attacked by a troop of heavily armoured rebels. They were forced to dive behind a ruined wall, their only weapon a small phaser, and though Spock had an expert aim it wasn't long before they were surrounded and the Vulcan dropped the weapon reluctantly. They were dragged out into the street and forced to their knees. Chikon circled them slowly.

"And so here we are." He said. "I got my fight, I got my fun, and soon this city will be mine."

Kirk glared up at him. "Tomique is dead, and even if the ambassador dies, Avita is safe now. The people won't vote for you Chikon, not after what you've done!"

"Fear is a very powerful weapon Mr Kirk." Chikon replied slyly. "The right threats to the right people and I can have everything I want. I was in a highly influential position and I have a lot of followers. So, don't you worry about me. You should be worrying about yourself."

He walked over to the nearest rebel and held out a hand, where he was given the very same phaser Spock had just dropped. He examined it closely, holding it up to his eye and turning a few dials until Kirk knew it was set to 'kill'. He aimed it directly at Kirk's head with a deep loathing in his eyes.

"I know Vulcan's do not show emotion, but you are his friend Mr Kirk." He whispered. "Do you think he will mourn for your loss? Shall I kill you and leave him alive to watch as you die in his arms?"

Neither Spock nor Kirk moved both staring straight up at Chikon with set jaws.

"Or maybe I should kill him instead."

The Xiino aimed the phaser at Spock's head, and even though he knew it was a terribly bad idea, Kirk couldn't stop himself from moving as though to fight him. He released a small cry and made a grab for the phaser and a scuffle broke out between him, Chikon and Spock while the rebels all stood and watched on, waiting for a command to intervene. Kirk was beyond useless. He was exhausted and his wounds were aching and there was a sharp pain shooting up his hand from his bandaged wrist. Spock however was putting up an excellent fight and if Chikon wasn't doing the same, Kirk would have marvelled at the Vulcan's strength and agility when suddenly the phaser went off.

Spock went rigid. He stared into Chikon's face with wide eyes and an eternity seemed to pass before he finally took a small step backwards, a hand clutched to his chest. Spock was bleeding. Kirk released a scream but Chikon threw out a hand and he was forced into the arms of the watching rebels, who were just too strong for him. Spock looked confused; the colour had all drained from his cheeks and his eyes were so very human and he turned to look at Kirk before falling horribly gracefully to his knees and down onto the ground.

"I like it this way better!" Chikon spun about excitedly and waltz over to Kirk, clutching hold of his chin and forcing him to look up. "I think I'll leave it this way; with you watching your precious Vulcan die. You shouldn't have moved Mr Kirk. You wouldn't have given yourself away."

Tears were streaming down Kirk's cheeks. He couldn't see. He could hear. Everything was roaring and wet and that white hot pang was back for the first time in ages, but this time it was different. This time it was as though his insides were on fire. Someone had taken hold of his soul and wrenched it clean out and he couldn't breathe. Chikon smirked and released his face, and the rebels dropped him, where he fell clumsily to the ground and crawled over to Spock's side.

He did even notice them leaving, or Bones and Sulu arriving. Kirk knelt in the blood and the mud with Spock' cradled against him, stroking his face and kissing his lips and telling him everything was going to be okay. He didn't dare to look directly at the wound. Out of the corner of his eye he could see flesh and green and red and black and he wrapped his arms about Spock's head and gently rocked him.

Bones did everything he could with the small medical kit he had with him, but there was nothing they could do until a shuttle arrived because something in the air was messing up the Enterprises' coordinates and they couldn't beam up. Spock kept his eyes open as long as possible, staring up into Kirk's blue orbs, his lips moving wordlessly, only a few inaudible snatches of Vulcan escaping them, and then quite suddenly he held up a hand and touched Kirk's face.

There was a jolt, a flash of white light, and Kirk staggered backwards into Sulu's waiting arms. Spock gave him a small weak smile and reached out for his hand. They exchanged a Vulcan kiss. His arm went limp. His eyes closed. Kirk didn't even hear himself shout.


	19. Chapter 19

**Only a few chapters left! A huge thank you to everyone who has stuck with me until the end**

**I'm sorry for how the last chapter ended but hopefully this chapter will make up for it ^_^**

* * *

Chapter Nineteen – An Unintentional Bond

The shuttle ride back to the Enterprise was hell. Whatever Spock had done to him, Kirk was completely incoherent. He was shaking and sweating uncontrollably and at one point Sulu had to strap him down to a bed, because Bones was busy trying to stabilise the Vulcan. Kirk tried to reach out to Spock, moving his lips and willing his brain to speak his name, but whether he did or not, he had no idea. It was all a blur and getting aboard the Enterprise actually just made it worse because everything was bright white and flashing lights and there were so many people mulling about them.

Kirk was loaded onto a stretcher and shipped off to the medical, as was Spock, but Spock was rushed straight into surgery whereas Kirk found himself in a private room. He was stripped of his clothes and hooked up to machines and Nurse June was the one who scanned him and took a blood sample and administered a few hyposprays. Nothing seemed to work. Kirk was feverish and hallucinating and his head and chest felt like they were on fire.

It hadn't been a normal mind meld. It was nothing like that time so long ago on Delta Vega when Spock Prime had showed him his adventure with Nero. This was like he'd been given a drug. And he could feel something inside him. There was a presence at the back of his mind, fighting for control, and his body was rejecting it. Kirk cried out for Spock, for Bones, for anyone, and it was Sulu who came and held his hand. The contact was comforting, and after yet another hypospray Kirk started to feel his body relaxing.

Then the flashes started. The only way he could describe it was 'seeing your life flash before your eyes when you die' only when he'd died, he hadn't seen anything but Spock crying on the other side of the glass. And it wasn't his life he could see. It was Spock's. He saw everything through the Vulcan's eyes. His mother, Amanda, her smile and her laugh. Vulcan as a young boy; the bullies and the fights. Refusing the Vulcan Science Academy. Joining Starfleet. Seeing Kirk for the first time during the Kobayashi Maru. He saw it all.

And it felt it all too; everything Spock had ever felt or ever resisted feeling or allowed to consume him, it consumed Kirk now and that's when the tears started falling. Kirk curled into a ball on the bed and sobbed into the pillow while Nurse June and Sulu held him. It was torture. He was feeling a multitude of things all at once and it was the next day before Kirk felt his body ebb into calm. It was over as suddenly as it had started, as though the presence had died, or his body and simply accepted it.

Kirk opened his eyes and looked about the room and the first person he saw was Avita. She was sitting crossed legged on a chair reading a book and she didn't look up at first. She looked different; was dressed differently in formal robes and her face looked confident, in control. Kirk released a small smile as he pieced two and two together.

"Hey." He eventually whispered.

Avita looked up and grinned, throwing down her book and rushing to his side. "You are awake! I shall fetch the nurse."

But Kirk reached out and took her hand to stop her. "Wait. Just let me… have a moment." He drew a deep shaky breath.

His body felt different now. Not in pain or shaking, in fact his wounds and broken wrist all felt fine. He felt – and he frowned at the thought because it was stupid – but he felt whole. Like whatever had happened to him, whatever that presence had been, his body had accepted it and it had completed him.

"What happened? Where's Spock? Where's Bones?" Kirk started, sitting up and jumping down from the bed.

Everything swam and his legs gave way. Okay so maybe not quite as fine as he'd initially thought.

"I do not know; they will not tell me." Avita wrapped an arm about him and held him over to the chair. "I asked if I could help, and they said I could watch over you."

Kirk gave her a small smile. "Thanks. But I need to know what's going on. How's your father?"

"He has passed on." Avita lowered her gaze, her eyes clouding with sadness. "In the end we could not find a cure. I am ambassador now. My uncle has vanished."

"Oh Avita, I'm so sorry." Kirk brought her towards him and wrapped his arms about him, just as Bones came into the room.

"Jim!" He cried, and there was surprise and anger and worry and joy in his voice.

Kirk released Avita and tried to jump off the bed again, but Bones was beside him in seconds, forcibly manhandling him into a lying position and beginning to scan him.

"You damn bastard, you gave me a right scare there!" He snapped.

Kirk shook his head, trying to get up. "Where is he? Where is he Bones? Tell me he's okay. Tell me he isn't…" He trailed off, his voice cracking.

Bones sighed gruffly. "He's fine God-damnit. Bloody hobgoblin is doing my head in actually. First he goes and gets himself shot, then he goes and nearly kills you-"

"Wh-what?" Kirk's eyes widened.

"You don't know what that was?" Bones ran a hand through his head, looking irritated. "Jim, you know about katra right? It's the living spirit, the essence, of the Vulcan mind that can be transferred to another person moments before death."

Kirk blinked at him. "But…"

"Spock thought he was going to die, so he transferred his katra into you." Bones clarified. "It's what damn Vulcan's do. Human bodies are different; katra can fuck them up. Hence you." And with that he jabbed a hypospray into Kirk's neck.

"Ow! Bones!" He snapped.

But the doctor raised his eyebrows at him. "As soon as everything's sorted out here we're going back to Earth. We need a Vulcan priest to transfer the katra back into Spock."

"I want to see him." Kirk sat up again, grabbing hold of Bones and using him to climb out of bed. "Take me to see him now."

Spock had been taken to his quarters, where he was lying in bed hooked up to three different machines. He looked a mess; there was no colour in his already white cheeks and his hair was a mess, thick bandages wrapped tightly about his chest and stomach. He didn't look up when Bones and Kirk entered, but continued to stare out of the window where they could just make out Xiino IV. Bones gave Kirk a nod and left them alone, and the first thing Kirk did was run to the Vulcan's side and grab his hand, falling to his knees beside the bed.

At the contact Spock turned to him, and he smiled, relief in his eyes. "When Doctor McCoy told me… I thought I had killed you. I-"

He was cut off because Kirk had leant over him and kissed him. "I thought I lost you. I thought you'd died!"

Suddenly something in the back of Kirk's mind sprung to life and he released a startled cry and fell backwards with a heavy thud. There was a flash of warm golden light that rippled pleasurably down his spine and actually made him moan, and Kirk blushed deeply at the sound. Spock sat up and stared at him, a frown on his face, and then realisation hit him and he threw back the bed covers and was leaning over Kirk within seconds.

"Jim." His voice was cautious and quiet. "Are you alright?"

Kirk wasn't sure how he was feeling. "There's something… in my head!" He exclaimed, grabbing hold of Spock and staring up at him with wide eyes. "Is that your katra thing? I can feel it!"

Spock placed his fingers to Kirk's face and closed his eyes, his expression blank, and then it hardened. "Jim." He whispered. "It seems that your body has successfully accepted my katra, and because of our feelings for each other, an unintentional bond has been formed."

"I, err… what?"

The Vulcan got slowly to his feet, clutching a hand to his bandaged chest as he relaxed into bed. Kirk followed him, scrambling up and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What do you mean a bond has been formed?" He asked. "What kind of bond?"

Spock closed his eyes, and the next thing that happened gave Kirk such a shock he jumped to his feet and placed his hands to his ears. It was Spock's voice in his head. Spock was talking to him, in his head.

"_Do not be alarmed Jim. An unintentional bond has been formed between us. We are now bondmates."_

"How are you doing that?" Kirk cried, closing his eyes and spinning about, falling against the wall.

"_I cannot explain it Jim, because it was unintentional. My feelings for you and the feelings you harbour for me, combined with my katra, have bonded us."_

Kirk looked across at him. Spock was sitting up in bed now, watching him with an expression of fear. He looked so lost and helpless, as though this news would drive Kirk away and he would never come back. Kirk however marched over to the bed and climbed on top of him and kissed him deeply and passionately. The effect was immediate. The presence at the back of his mind – their bond – sprung to life again. Kirk felt Spock's fear, his panic, and his arousal, and in surprise he broke the kiss and sat up.

"Let me get this straight." He said. "Some kind of weird Vulcan hoodoo has bonded us, which means you can talk in my head now?"

Spock blinked up at him. "I do not understand your reference to the traditional African-American folk spirituality."

Kirk waved a hand at him.

"Jim you are now my bondmate." Spock tried to explain. "It means I have claimed you, which is the closest approximation I can give. There is no human equivalent. My katra has joined our minds and made us a pair. We are now a bonded pair."

Kirk as frowning but he nodded.

"You are not angry at me Jim?" Spock whispered. "You are not upset about this occurrence?"

A deep blush covered Kirk's cheeks. "Actually I kind of like the idea of being claimed by you." He admitted. "I thought I'd lost you Spock. I thought you'd died. And just when I was ready to admit that I love you. But you're alive and whatever this thing is… I don't care, because it means you're here and we're together and…" He drew a deep breath.

"I cannot deny anymore that I, too, love you." Spock interjected. "It became very apparent to me during our five year mission. I have been struggling with these emotions, as they are very new to me, and I was unsure what to do about them. It is illogical that I should feel love for you Jim, and yet the Human part of me is glad."

"Glad?" Kirk smiled, raising his eyebrows.

The tips of Spock's ears turned green. "Yes. I am glad. You are a remarkable man Jim, and I am lucky to have you in my life. Even just as a friend. I am-"

"Oh just shut up." Kirk bent his head and kissed him.

He laced his hands into Spock's hair and clung on tightly, biting down on his lip until Spock opened his mouth. Their tongues clashed messily, hot and wet and Kirk felt arousal like nothing he had ever felt before, because he could feel Spock's arousal too. The Vulcan had placed his hands to Kirk's back and was clinging hold, his nails digging into the skin, and then quite suddenly he wrenched his head away. Spock's eyes were clouded with lust, dark and wide, but he looked unsure all of a sudden. Kirk placed gentle butterfly kisses across his cheeks and Spock clenched his jaw, suppressing a guttural moan, and Kirk couldn't help but laugh.

"What was that?" He cooed with a smirk.

Spock looked up at him. "The experience is… new to me Jim." He said, and the reply was deep and throaty.

It sent shivers down Jim's spine.


	20. Chapter 20

**Here we are guys THE FINAL CHAPTER! A huge thank you to everyone who has stuck with me from the beginning ^_^**

**Hopefully this will be the send off you were all hoping for**

**I love you guys**

* * *

Chapter Twenty - Forgiveness

_Six weeks later…_

The raised chairs at the front of the court room were all filled, however the actual room consisted of only the immediate crew of the Enterprise, as well as Avita and several Xiino IV officers. Kirk stood on his own at the front feeling very self-conscious, as the reports from the mission were re-reviewed and his fate decided. Admiral Gordon was in charge; he at directly in the middle of the raised seats wearing fancy formal robes, and tapping away at a PADD in his arms. It seemed forever until he spoke.

The past six weeks had been a blur. They had searched the entire planet for Chikon, only to find him hiding out with a small handful of his rebels, and he was apprehended and put on trial, where the Xiinos chose execution. There had been a beautiful burial and memorial service for Ambassador Zurek followed by one of the hugest celebrations the Enterprise had ever witnessed for Avita, who had already started doing an excellent job at rebuilding her colony, despite her young age.

Kirk had also personally gone to see Olilla's family and to give them the pendant, where her mother had explained everything to him. Unitons were a proud race, very much dominated by the females. Olilla's mother had wanted her to join the family business with her six sisters, but Olilla – who had been fascinated by science and the stars – ran away from home to join Starfleet. She was young and naïve and had no understanding of how to deal with males, let alone human males, except to rule over them.

Apparently she had been at Kirk's trial three years ago, and although this fact had been unknown to them at the time, she had seen something between Spock and Kirk. Her mother explained that her playfulness and flirting and harsh words had been her way of trying to get Kirk to realise his feelings, and to fight for Spock. It made him sad to hear this. She had been horrible to him, but it had all been for the good, and in the end she had died, still trying to save them. Her mother let Kirk keep Olilla's pendant, and he now kept it in his quarters on the Enterprise, as tribute to the Uniton who had saved his life.

Spock was healed now too, or at least if his chest ever did pain him he never showed it, much to Bones' annoyance. He had returned to captaining the Enterprise, along with Sulu who he had promoted to first officer, and although things between him and Kirk were very different there had hardly been any change in their work. It was only when they had a few hours off duty had they allowed themselves to be more intimate.

Kirk couldn't help but smile as he stood in the court room remembering their nights together. It was like being in a relationship with someone who had been alone their whole life, because Spock was very unsure and nervous about everything. The Vulcan had been trying to show Kirk how to communicate through their bond, because it worked both ways, and the most time they spent together it only seemed to be strengthening. Even now, when they were sat at opposite ends of the court room, Kirk could feel Spock's nerves and how he was trying to calm them.

"James Kirk." Admiral Gordon suddenly piped up, and the crew of the Enterprise all tensed and held their breaths. "As you are well aware, there is absolutely no possibility of giving you your rank back. However, we have all decided, based on the evidence from your recent mission, that you can remain in Starfleet if you so wish."

There was a small suppressed "ves!" from Chekov at the back of the room, followed by Sulu and Uhura telling him to shut up, and Kirk tried to stop himself from smiling.

"You shall remain an ensign working under Captain Spock, and you shall work your way back up." Admiral Gordon said lightly. "Perhaps, in three or four years, you may have your ship back."

"I cannot thank you enough." Kirk nodded. "Thank you. I mean it. I-"

Admiral Gordon rose to his feet. "Enough sentiment Mr Kirk, before I change my mind." He snapped, but he was smiling.

Kirk saluted and then turned to everyone, and they all jumped up and ran to him cheering and saying how glad they were and congratulations. Kirk only had one person on his mind though. He slowly pushed his way through the crowd to where Spock had risen to his feet, and then he acted out a scene from any romance film by running up to him and kissing him happily. None of the crew seemed surprised and all actually cheered louder and clapped, except for Bones who exclaimed loudly.

"For Christ's sake."

Spock looked down at Kirk lovingly, his face calm but his eyes practically bursting with happiness, and then he rested his forehead against Kirk's and closed his eyes.

"_I am so happy for you ashalik." _He said through their bond. _"I was confident they would not expel you again."_

Jim blushed. _"I don't know if I'm going this right, but you and I are celebrating later. No questions. No 'buts' or 'maybes'."_

This time it was Spock's cheeks that coloured. _"If you are sure ashalik, then I will not argue with your decision."_

They all left the court room together, most of the officers returning to the ship or going home, but Kirk and Spock headed towards a local bar along with Uhura and Scotty, where they sat and sipped champagne in celebration. It felt good being among them again; _his_ family, with _his_ bondmate, not having to worry about being taken away from them again.

"_Only as long as you follow commands Jim." _Spock reminded him as they left the bar together.

Kirk bid goodbye to Uhura and Scotty before turning to face Spock, a devilish grin upon his face. "Oh? And what are you going to do if I don't? Report me again?"

The Vulcan looked hurt. "Jim I do not think I could bare to lose you again."

"You're supposed to play along!" Kirk pouted and threw a hand at him. "You're supposed to say like… oh I dunno… 'if you do not, I shall punish you' or something like that!"

Something came over Spock's face that made Kirk's heart begin to thud. He suddenly looked possessive, in control, and he took hold of Kirk's upper arms and pushed him backwards against the outside wall of the bar. His eyes flashed darkly.

"I am your _captain_ and I would advise you not to disobey me." He whispered.

Kirk shuddered inwardly. "I-I… b-but… Sp-"

He was cut off by a kiss that completely took his breath away, and then before they knew it they were back on the Enterprise in Spock's quarters. It was late at night and the ship was quiet, but luckily the walls were thick, because as soon as the door closed Spock took hold of Kirk and pushed him roughly up against the wall. Kirk was actually taken aback by the Vulcan's forwardness, not that he was complaining, but it was strange since he could feel Spock's awkwardness through their bond.

Slowly he broke the kiss and pushed him away. "I got this." He grinned.

Spock frowned down at him. "I do not understand what you have Jim."

Kirk just shook his head and led him over to the bed. "I got this." He repeated, pushing Spock down onto his back. "Meaning… I'm taking over."

He saw something flash across Spock's face and felt a surge of arousal through their bond, and Kirk positioned himself on top of him, his legs either side of Spock's hips. The sight of the Vulcan trapped beneath him was an undeniable turn on, even though he could upturn Kirk without even trying, which in itself was a huge major turn on, and as his imagination ran away from him Kirk bent his head and started to slowly nibble and suck at Spock's collarbone.

He had never experienced anything like it; because with every burst of Spock's arousal he felt his own heighten until his body was practically shaking. Kirk attacked the Vulcan's lips and slid his hands up his shirt, ripping it off seconds later and dipping his head to massage the smooth white skin. He was careful to avoid the scar that had formed from his injury, but neither of them was worrying too much about that because already they were both painfully hard. As Kirk shifted slightly, Spock arched his back and swore deeply in Vulcan, tilting back his head and moving his hands to grip his bondmate's hair tightly.

"Did you like that?" Kirk whispered huskily, lifting himself up just the tiniest bit so he could brush together the bulges in their trousers.

Spock tensed all over and bit down hard on his bottom lip. "J-Jim…" He moaned, but he was cut off by Kirk sitting on his thighs and beginning to tear open his trousers.

"Just relax. I told you; this is happening." There was a playful glint in Kirk's eyes as he freed Spock from his trousers.

The Vulcan however suddenly looked embarrassed, even though it was the most beautiful thing Kirk had ever seen, and without a word he wrapped his mouth around the throbbing hard member. Spock's hips bucked upwards involuntarily and his grip on Kirk's hair tightened until it was painful, but still he didn't stop. He traced the long member with his tongue, circled the top, feeling it bob, and then took it all into his mouth again with a moan.

It felt like he was getting a blow-job too, because Spock seemed to have lost all control and their bond was practically exploding. It was insanely difficult not to just rip off his clothes and devour Spock until he screamed the Enterprise down and his legs shook and he couldn't walk straight and-

"J-Jim!" Spock suddenly sounded panicked. "Jim st-stop!"

Kirk raised his head and looked up at him, wiping the moistness from his lips. "What? What is it?"

All Spock managed to do was raised a trembling hand and point to Kirk's forehead. He could only imagine that the Vulcan had seen everything he'd been imaging, and to test out this theory Kirk thought about wrenching off his trousers and pushing into Spock hard and-

"J-Jim!" Spock was pleading with him now, his voice and face clouded with distress.

Immediately Kirk felt guilty but he couldn't stop now. He pulled off his shirt and kissed Spock hard, showing him that everything was fine, and in response the Vulcan moaned deeply, and then flipped them over. He pinned Kirk's arms to the bed and stared down at him with a look Kirk recognised from working under him on the bridge, and he wondered if he looked like that in 'captain mode'.

"You must give me a few minutes to collect myself Jim." Spock ordered, breathlessly.

Kirk however had other ideas and bucked up his hips. He still had his trousers on but Spock was very much exposed and at the contact the Vulcan swore loudly, his lust feeding Kirk like a drug, and they wrestled until eventually he managed to get them both completely naked. The contact – having so much skin on skin – was ecstasy. Tears appeared in Spock's eyes and he stared up at Kirk with longing; with a want he still wasn't sure he should want yet.

"It's okay baby." Kirk whispered, kissing him sweetly on the lips. "It's okay. This is normal. I can feel what you're feeling and fucking Christ it's normal!"

Spock replied with a deep guttural moan that sent shivers down Kirk's spine. He broke the kiss and looked deep into Spock's eyes, letting him know what he was going to do, and then he lathered up his fingers with spit and started to explore everything below Spock's waist. To his joy the uncertainty on Spock's face subsided into more lust, and he actually bent his legs and pushed down onto Kirk's fingers. It was obvious he had never felt anything like this before, not just from their bond, but from the sounds he was making and the faces he was pulling, and it wasn't long before Kirk couldn't hold himself back any more.

It had been a while since Kirk had been on top with a man; he had actually always preferred being on top with woman, but he knew the second he pushed himself into Spock that he was never going to be with anyone else again. The feeling was so different, so new, and so explosive that he very almost climaxed within seconds and Kirk had to bury his face into Spock's chest and take some deep shuddering breaths before he could move properly.

Spock writhed beneath him, his body jolting upwards with every thrust and his back arched. He had by now lost every ounce of control he had over himself, because he was grunting and moaning loudly in both English and Vulcan, and he was having difficulty holding onto something. His hands grabbed at Kirk's hips, then at the bed sheets, then overheard where he clutched at the pillow. It was glorious to watch. Kirk held himself up on his hands so he could drink in every detail of it, and then as he felt both his and Spock's growing climaxes he pulled out and forced Spock roughly onto his front.

The Vulcan hit the bed with a 'flump' before looking round at him; his black eyes filled with lust and confusion, but this soon passed as Kirk curved his body over him and delved inside again. Spock buried his head into the pillow but it did nothing to muffle his cries of pleasure. Kirk closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his rhythm; in all honesty though he could think about nothing but the thoughts running through Spock's head. Apparently the Vulcan had thought about this, about being taken from behind by Kirk, and he was replaying the fantasy in his head as it happened to him in real life.

"You dirty little Vulcan." Kirk cooed in his ear, giving the tip a small affectionate nip.

It was enough to send them both over the edge and Kirk pulled out minute later and collapsed onto the bed, panting and huffing but grinning. He looked across to where Spock still had his face buried in the pillow. The embarrassment was radiating off of him and all Kirk could think was that it was adorable.

"I love you." He whispered.

Slowly Spock looked round at him, his face flushed green and his hair messy with sweat, and there was a peculiar expression on his face. He lifted himself up and pressed his lips to Kirk's forehead, before looking him deep in the eyes.

"And I you, my t'hy'la."


End file.
